


hate me now, love me later

by someoneyouloved



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I just have a lot of feelings about them okay, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka him pining over kiara for years but never doing a damn thing about it, also this got long fast oops, and by better i mean kiara, because he’s an idiot, but i’m officially obsessed with them, i will go down with this ship faster than john b and sarah in the phantom, jj deserves so much better, pre-canon and season one from JJ’s perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 34,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24125368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someoneyouloved/pseuds/someoneyouloved
Summary: “You’ll always be a Pogue, Kie.”He hates her for making him say it, for making himlike her.He hates her for leaving.But most of all, JJ hates himself, because somehow he was stupid enough to let Kiara in, and now he has no idea how to get her out of his head.—or jj’s thoughts as he pines over kiara for years and years and years
Relationships: JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 331
Collections: ObxKJ





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i binged outer banks in one day and wrote this fic in two, because your girl found yet another angsty ship to be obsessed with that will probably never be endgame!! seriously though, jj and kiara are my babies and they deserve to be happy. so, i wrote 14k words of jj pining over kie because this fandom needs more content. inspired by all of the jj/kiara fics and headcanons i’ve read. hope y’all enjoy!!

It’s a little known fact, but JJ met Kiara first. 

It was before John B, before the Pogues.

They were in kindergarten, on the playground.

JJ was playing tag with some of the boys from his class, which is really just an excuse to tackle one another into the dirt, when he sees her.

This little girl, with dark skin and wild, curly hair that turns a warm shade of bronze when it catches the sunlight and is filled with tiny, intricate braids.

JJ loves it. 

He’s a kid, of course, with no sense of social cues, so when he reaches out to touch it, to run his fingers through those curls and see if they’re as soft as they look, she whirls around and shoves him into the dirt.

“You can’t just touch people like that,” she says, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face, and with the sun hitting her hair from the back, it looks as if she’s wearing a crown. “You have to _ask_ first.” 

She’s gone before he can say anything, before he can apologize, leaving JJ lying in the dirt. 

He’s lucky no one saw, because his friends would have never let him live it down.

JJ thinks he’s been a little bit in love with her ever since.

Well, a lot. A lot in love with her. 

The truth is, he doesn’t even know if she remembers it. Probably not, because she’s never brought it up. 

(Here’s a little known fact: She does.)

✾✾✾

JJ might have met Kiara first, but he’s the last one to become friends with her.

They meet for the first (second) time when John B brings her to the Chateau one day after school. 

It’s hot, because air conditioning is out of the question on the Cut, and JJ’s cheek is throbbing from the hit he took earlier that day. It’s already starting to bruise. 

He told John B and Pope he’d gotten into a fight at school. He had— but that’s not where this bruise is from. 

So, he’s already in a sour mood, and maybe that’s why when John B arrives thirty minutes late with this girl that has _Kook_ written all over her, despite her dark skin and hippie clothes, JJ’s initial reaction to him asking if she could join them is _no way in hell._

But it’s John B, so he’s not really asking. He’s decided that she’s in, so she’s in. JJ’s vote doesn’t matter, and Pope’s too damn nice to say anything about it.

It doesn’t mean JJ has to like her. 

Of course, the problem is that Kiara is well, _likeable_. 

At first, it’s easy to pretend she’s just another spoiled, rich Kook looking for a taste of life on the Cut and a good time. She’ll be there for a week, with her long legs that she drapes over John B’s when they’re lying in the hammock and her obnoxious laugh that JJ really, _really_ hates, and then she’ll go back to her five-star restaurants and summers in the Hamptons. 

The second problem is that she _doesn’t_ leave. 

She’s there every day, and soon enough JJ stops being surprised when he arrives at the Chateau to find her making chamomile tea in John B’s kitchen or passed out on the couch after movie night. 

It’s not a secret that JJ doesn’t like her. He’s not the kind of person to hide how he feels about people, and Kiara isn’t stupid, so she notices every snide remark and dirty look.

But Kiara is Kiara, confident and optimistic, so she ignores all of his attempts to make her feel uncomfortable. 

In fact, to JJ’s horror, she starts being _nice_ to him. She purposefully says hi to him whenever he enters a room, gives him extra-large portions of fries at the Wreck, compliments his surfing.

John B and Pope love Kiara’s attention, of course, but JJ hates it.

Because he’s trying to hate _her_ , and she’s making it really god damn difficult. 

And then, he starts to slip. It’s small things— laughing at a joke she made, a mumbled _hey_ when she says his name, not flinching when they brush against each other.

Kiara doesn’t comment on it, but he knows she notices, because she always looks so damn smug after. 

It’s like she’s winning, and she knows it, and JJ hates it. He hates her.

That’s what he tells himself. It’s a mantra, the thing JJ says when he catches himself slipping. 

And yet sometimes, he wishes Kiara was from the Cut, because despising her on principle is exhausting. 

Because the third problem is that JJ doesn’t really hate Kiara. Not at all. 

✾✾✾

JJ is good at pretending.

Lying is in his blood, of course. But pretending— JJ taught that to himself.

His mother liked to pretend, too.

To pretend that JJ’s father was a good man, that the bruises he gave her were from a fall down the stairs or one of her son’s temper tantrums (JJ never screamed or cried as a child, he knew better). 

So, maybe JJ learned it from her. 

He’s good at pretending with the teachers at school. That he _likes_ to bike home, that his mother just forgot to pack his lunch again, that his dad didn’t come to his parent teacher conference because he was stuck at work. 

He’s good at pretending even with the Pogues, his best friends. His _real_ family. 

But most of all, JJ is good at pretending with himself.

He pretends his father isn’t a monster, that he has a chance of getting out of the Cut.

But sometimes, even JJ gets tired of it.

It’s in one of those moments: leaning against the counter in John B’s kitchen, covered in bruises and aching all over, a bag of frozen peas pressed to the cut on his cheek, that Kiara finds him.

And JJ swears under his breath, contemplates making a break for it even though he can barely stand at the moment, because the last thing he needs right now is _Kiara fucking Carrera_. 

At the sight of him, his face several shades of purple and struggling to remain upright, Kiara freaks out.

She drops her bag in the doorway and runs over, eyes wide and a hand pressed over her mouth, and she just keeps saying his name, over and over again.

Her hand moves, and it occurs to him that she’s about to touch the bruise on his cheek, but JJ flinches away and she seems to get the message.

JJ doesn’t even have the energy to pretend he’s alright, and when she asks him what happened he mumbles _fight_ , and then he tells her to _fuck off_.

He forces himself to stand without the counter’s support, turning his back on Kiara and stumbling towards the door. He doesn’t know where he’s going, he just knows it’s away from here. From her. 

He’s said worse to her before, he thinks, so when he hears Kiara spit out the words, _fuck you, JJ,_ he turns around to look at her.

She’s standing in the kitchen, fire in her eyes and her hands on her hips, and for a moment, all he can think is that she looks just like she did the day he first met her.

JJ had never thought of Kiara as _scary_ , but as she storms towards him, her eyes burning with unshed tears, he takes a step back.

“What did I ever do, to make you hate me so much?” Kiara asks, furious even as she brushes a tear from her cheek. “Because it’s been months, and all you do is bitch at me, and I have _tried_ to play nice, I have, but I am getting pretty damn tired of it, JJ.”

It’s the first time Kiara had ever stood up for herself when it came to him, and JJ just stands there, frozen in the doorway.

_What did I ever do, to make you hate me so much?_

He searches for an answer to her question, but as hard as he tries, he can’t find one.

And when he looks at Kiara, standing there with her arms crossed and trying not to cry, he suddenly feels like such an _asshole_. 

“I don’t know,” he admits, biting his broken lip, unable to meet her gaze. And then, he corrects himself, because he’s so damn tired of pretending that he hates Kiara Carrera. “Nothing, you did nothing. It was all me. I’m an asshole.”

Kiara just stares at him, her expression blank, and then she says, “Well, we already knew _that_ , dumbass.” 

And with that, she turns and disappears into the hallway. 

JJ just stands there, blinking like an idiot, because he had expected her to keep shouting at him. Maybe she was just done with him, had decided that JJ wasn’t worth her time. Not that he would blame her if she did.

She hadn’t left, though, and he doesn’t understand. 

JJ collapses onto the pullout couch, his exhaustion and aching body finally catching up to him, and then Kiara reappears.

She sits down beside him, and that’s when he notices the first-aid kit in her hands. 

He opens his mouth to tell her she doesn’t need to do that, especially after he’s done nothing but treat her like shit, but Kiara doesn’t want to hear it.

“Just let me take care of you, asshole,” she snaps, shaking her head as she sorts through the unorganized contents of Big John’s first aid kit. 

JJ has no idea what to say to that, so he stays quiet while Kiara dabs some kind of ointment on his split lip. 

When she’s done, she leaves after giving JJ a few short instructions on when to change the tape and gauze she put on the cuts on his face, and that’s that.

They never mention it, and she doesn’t say anything when JJ shows up with a bruised face the next day and John B and Pope laugh it off, but after that, it’s kind of impossible to hate her. 

✾✾✾

JJ was the one who gave Kiara her nickname. 

They’re fishing out on the marsh, and it’s boiling, so he asks her to pass him a beer, and it just... slips out.

_Hey, Kie, pass me one will you?_

He didn’t even mean to say it, and Kiara just smiles and reaches into the cooler, but after that it just kind of sticks. 

✾✾✾

As a rule, JJ is protective of his friends. 

So, when he finds Kiara crying on the dock outside of the Chateau, his first instinct is to kill whoever upset her.

But he knows Kiara hates that _protective patriarchal bullshit_ , as she likes to call it, so he just sits down next to her instead.

He doesn’t ask her what’s wrong, because despite his reputation, JJ doesn’t push when it comes to shit like this. And if it was John B or Pope, maybe he would leave it alone, but this is Kie, and he’s never really seen her cry before. Not like this. 

“So, what’s up?” He asks, once it’s clear she’s not going to talk without prompting, trying to sound casual. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but—“

“My parents are sending me to the _Kook Academy_ ,” she hisses, as if the word Kook is the most vile thing she’s ever heard. “And I tried to argue, but they wouldn’t listen. I start in the fall, and I’ll have to spend the rest of high school with a bunch of rich, stuck-up assholes who hate my guts.”

There’s a moment of silence where JJ searches for the right thing to say. He forces himself to get past the disappointment of not having Kiara in class anymore, because he doesn’t want to make her feel any worse, and instead he tries to be comforting. “Hey, maybe it won’t be that—“

“Won’t be that bad?” She finishes for him, snapping as she turns to look at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “I have _nothing_ in common with them. It’s gonna be a shitshow.”

JJ just nods, because he doesn’t know what else to say. John B would be better at this, he thinks. Comforting crying girls is so _not_ his thing. 

“I’m going to be alone,” Kiara says, staring out at the sun setting over the water, the anger fading from her voice. “And you’ll be here, with the guys, and what if once I’m a Kook, I can’t be a Pogue anymore?”

Now that, JJ understood. Kiara wasn’t just pissed that she had to spend time with the Kooks, she was worried the Pogue’s were going to abandon her.

A few months ago, all JJ had wanted was for her to disappear, to go back to Figure Eight and leave him and his friends alone, but now he realizes he can’t imagine their lives without her. Kiara’s the one who keeps the cooler stocked, gives them free meals at the Wreck, patches John B or JJ up after a fight. She’s one of them. 

So, he reaches over and wraps an arm around her, trying not to think about how nice and warm her skin feels against his. He almost expects her to pull away, because they’ve never done _this_ before, but she just rests her head on his shoulder and sighs.

“You’ll always be a Pogue, Kie,” he promises her, dutifully ignoring her quiet sniffling and his now damp shirt. “Pogues for life, remember?”

Kiara nods against his chest, her curls tickling the skin of his neck, and JJ realizes that they’re friends now, no they’re _family_ , and he doesn’t know why he likes the thought of that so much. 

✾✾✾

A few months into freshmen year, the irony of the promise he made to Kiara, that she _would always be a Pogue_ , isn’t lost on JJ. 

It starts slow— the canceling of plans, the shitty excuses. And he lets it go, because he’s a fucking idiot, and he doesn’t want to push Kiara away, even if that’s what she’s doing to herself.

She still hangs with them, surfing and quick conversations between shifts at the Wreck, but it’s like she’s not all the way there, her head in another world of country club parties and afternoons spent sunning herself by the Cameron’s pool. 

John B and Pope pretend it’s nothing for as long as they can, that Kie is still Kie, not one of the Kook bitches who turns their noses up at the sight of them. 

But JJ has survival instincts, and a good sense of what it’s like before people leave, so he does what he has to do. He starts to pull away, avoiding Kiara even when he sees her and forcing himself not to call and ask if she’s okay, because he isn’t about to do _this_ again.

The last day that she hangs out with them, JJ doesn’t show. 

Then, Big John goes missing, and JJ is too busy helping John B search for him to bother with someone who ditched them all for a bunch of shit-talking Kooks.

After that, the only information he gets about her life is through Snapchat and Instagram, and the occasional sighting when he visits Figure Eight to help Pope’s dad with deliveries.

Kiara replaces them with the Cameron’s, of all people, and that’s when JJ knows she’s officially gone full Kook.

Because there’s no one who represents Kook life better than Sarah Cameron, the hot, rich, reigning Princess of Figure Eight. 

He’s surfing at the beach one afternoon when he sees them, laughing as they chase the gulls away from a nest of sand piper eggs.

And Kiara looks happy, giggling and jumping and shrieking with joy when Sarah wraps her arms around her, and it wasn’t like she had been _unhappy_ with the Pogues, but he knows they can’t compete— that _he_ can’t compete— with Sarah Cameron and her knights in shining Kook armor.

He wonders if Kiara is dating one of them, those boys with million dollar boats and daddies who clean up their messes, and then he tells himself he doesn’t care.

It’s an easy lie, until he sees her getting ice cream with Rafe Cameron one day, rolling her eyes and laughing at something he says, and that burning sensation in his gut returns.

He has an instant, irrational urge to punch Rafe in the jaw. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it, but the thought feels dangerous. 

_You’ll always be a Pogue, Kie._

He hates her for making him say it, for making him _like_ her. 

He hates her for leaving.

But most of all, JJ hates himself, because somehow he was stupid enough to let Kiara in, and now he has no idea how to get her out of his head.

✾✾✾

JJ watches Sarah Cameron’s birthday party play out over a series of Instagram stories, and can’t help noting the absence of one person in particular. 

Not that he cares of course, but he still notices.

 _It’s probably nothing,_ he tells himself, and resists the urge to pick up his phone and text her, just to see if she’s all right.

Kiara’s fine. And she doesn’t need or want him in her life.

She’s made that quite clear. 

✾✾✾

So, when Kiara arrives at the Chateau a few weeks later with a case of beer and a year’s worth of apologies, his first thought is _you have got to be fucking kidding me._

John B and Pope aren’t saying anything, but their expressions are far too neutral for JJ’s liking, and he realizes how this is going to play out.

They’re going to forgive her.

After everything— Big John going missing, the lack of calls or texts or concern on Kiara’s part, the fact that she literally and metaphorically ghosted them. And she’s back in, just like that.

Not if JJ has anything to say about it.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

He puts as much venom behind the words as he can, accompanied by the sneer he reserves just for Kooks. Kiara knows that expression, and she flinches, but she also doesn’t look surprised.  
  
He hates that— that she _knows_ him. 

“What’re you doing here, Kiara?” John B asks, breaking the silence, his voice guarded but not hostile. JJ doesn’t understand. Kiara abandoned all of them, but John B was the one who needed her the most.

Instead, she left JJ and Pope to pick up the pieces. And now she just wanted to come back like nothing happened? Hell no. 

“I just came to say... hey, I guess,” she says, and JJ doesn’t care that it’s the first time he’s heard her voice in months. “And tell you that I’m sorry.”

The apology is directed at all of them, but JJ can tell Kiara means it for John B the most. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but that’s just about the shittiest apology JJ has ever heard, and he’s no stranger to them himself.

“So, Kie, how’s—“

“That’s it?” JJ asks, interrupting Pope as he cuts a sharp glance at him and John B, his boots hitting the wooden boards of the dock with a thud. “We’re all good? She comes crawling back after ditching us to play little rich girl with the Kook Princess for a _year_ , with a few lousy beers and a shitty apology, and you two are just gonna take it?”

“JJ—“ John B starts, his hand held out to hold him off, a desperate attempt to keep the peace. “It’s not like that. I just want to hear what she has to say—“

“Yeah, let’s hear it,” JJ says, stalking towards Kiara, shoving past the hand Pope places on his arm. “I would love to know what bullshit excuse she’s prepared for us this time— what was the last one? Saving baby sea turtles with Sarah _fucking_ Cameron?”

Kiara opens her mouth, shaking her head a little, not meeting JJ’s gaze. She looks like she might cry, and JJ is overcome with such a strong sense of loathing at the sight of her, that he snaps.

“Seriously, _Kie_ , I would love to know,” he snarls, the use of her old nickname as sharp as any weapon. “How was Kook life? Did you like it? Bet it felt real good, huh, lounging by the pool and partying with the Cameron’s, while everything went to shit with John B, with his dad. Where were you then, huh? Because you certainly weren’t here, so I don’t know what the hell you expect from us!”

“JJ—“ John B starts, a clear warning despite the pain in his eyes at the mention of his dad. 

JJ ignores him, ignores how Kiara’s hands are curling into fists, how Pope’s eyes haven’t left the water since he started talking. “No, she needs to hear this!” He shouts, and then suddenly he’s in her face, but even then Kiara doesn’t back down. “You left us, you _abandoned_ us, the people who stood by you through everything. And sure, you got a taste of the good life, but tell me, where are all your Kook friends now? What, they didn’t want you anymore?”

“They _never_ wanted me!” Kiara screams, the tears coming in full now, and he hears Pope’s breath catch. “And I’m sorry, I know I screwed up, but... I want to come back. I miss you guys.”

JJ scoffs, shaking his head, a retort already on his lips, but then John B says his name again, and he decides he’s had enough of this.

“Fuck this, and fuck you,” he hisses at Kiara, ignoring the distant reprimands from Pope and John B as he heads towards his bike. “I’m out of here.”

“Oh, and Kiara?” He calls over his shoulder, not turning around to see if she hears him. He knows she does. “What I said on that dock? Forget it.”

✾✾✾

It lasts for weeks— the chill between him and Kiara, the tension that rides underneath any of their brief, monitored interactions.

Because somehow, she’s weaseled her way back into the group, and Pope and John B no longer trust JJ to be alone with her and both of them returning in one piece. 

Apparently, after he left, she apologized for real, and it was enough to convince his two idiot best friends to welcome her back with open arms.

It’s also the boobs, JJ thinks.

They all noticed, he knows that. He wouldn’t be human if he hadn’t. Kiara’s new curves, the bikinis that showed more and more skin, a combination of puberty and Sarah Cameron’s influence.

But JJ tries to avoid looking at her whenever possible, so it doesn’t matter.

Pope and John B think it’s just a matter of time before he finally breaks and forgives her, at least that’s what he hears them tell Kiara when they think he isn’t listening.

And for a while, it works. The fragile group dynamic, the assurances Pope and John B make to Kiara, them periodically suggesting that JJ talk to her and fix things.

Like _he’s_ the problem, when she was the one who abandoned them while everything went to shit. 

But it’s JJ and Kiara, and they’re a power keg on the verge of exploding on a good day.

They’re on the beach one night, with the fire crackling between them and the taste of whiskey on JJ’s lips, when it happens. 

He makes some comment, one just as harsh and unforgiving as usual, but addressed to Pope and John B only. It’s the best way to get under Kiara’s skin, because like it or not he knows her too, and he’ll use it to his advantage.

_Listen, y’all can pine over little miss rich girl here all you want, but I’m not taking any Kook’s leftovers—_

Until then, Kiera had remained civil, if not painfully polite, through all of JJ’s hateful remarks and heated glares, but in that moment she finally snaps.

If he’s being honest, it’s a relief. He was getting tired of waiting— the anticipation has been killing him.

Pope’s disappointed glower, John B’s _hey, wait,_ don’t matter. Not when Kiara meets his gaze over the fire, her eyes spitting literal flames, and says, “Shut the _fuck_ up, JJ.”

He raises an eyebrow, chases the words down with a shot from the flask in his pocket. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t have to. Kiara understands that this is it— the explosion they’ve been building to, the lit fuse on a pile of ammunition made from weeks of biting insults and thinly-veiled disgust.

She shoots to her feet, a bullet in the chamber, and says, “If you have something to say, JJ, don’t be a little bitch about it. I already know you hate me, so there’s no need to waste your breath.”

JJ shrugs, because despite Kiara’s claim that she doesn’t give a shit about his opinion, he knows she wants him to forgive her. And he’s afraid that if she sticks around long enough, his resolve will eventually break and he’ll do just that.

So, that leaves one other option.

“You know, I think I was wrong,” he sighs, shaking his head and taking another gulp of whiskey. “You _are_ a Pogue, the fish the Kooks threw back to us because they didn’t want it. But you know what, _Kie_? We don’t want you either.”

The match hits the fuse, and then Kiara is lunging at him, her fists colliding with JJ’s chest as she shrieks profanities. One strikes his cheek, and JJ’s jaw snaps to the side. John B’s on her in an instant, dragging her away, but the damage is done.

Kiara is still screaming at him, struggling against John B’s unbreakable hold, an unending stream of _fuck you’s_ and _let go of me._ But beneath all that rage, there’s real pain in her voice, and that’s when JJ notices the tears streaming down her cheeks.

He had waited for this moment, cultivated it with each carefully constructed insult, but now that it’s here he feels... empty. There’s no joy to it, no satisfaction, not as John B carries a near-feral Kiara who is still cursing JJ’s name away, glaring at his friend over his shoulder.

JJ pretends not to see Kiara collapse into his arms the second they reach the van.

Pope is staring at JJ, disappointed but not surprised, and then he says, “I don’t care if she fucked up, JJ. Enough is enough.“

“Pope, I don’t—“

“I don’t care. Fix it.”

JJ knows he’s right, knew it from the moment Kiara’s fist collided with his jaw and he saw the tears on her cheeks, but there’s just one problem.

He had absolutely no idea how.

✾✾✾

JJ finds her the next day wiping down tables at the Wreck after rush hour, wearing an apron and her favorite headband, and of course, purposefully ignoring him.

Fine. He deserves that.

“Is it possible to get some service here?” He asks, ringing the bell at the counter repeatedly, which earns him more than a few dirty looks from the Wreck’s patrons. 

It’s nothing compared to Kiara’s glare as she tosses the dishrag over her shoulder and stalks towards him, grabbing JJ by the wrist and dragging him out the door.

He’s telling her to wait, but she’s not listening, and when there’s no risk of the customers hearing her, she whirls around and says, “What the hell are you doing here?”

He had tried to plan what he was going to say to her, but it had never sounded right, so JJ had decided to wing it. Now, standing in the parking lot of the Wreck with an angry Kiara, he was seriously regretting that decision. 

“Look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry... for what I said,” he mumbled, fiddling with his bike keys to avoid looking at her. “It was out of line, and I know that.” 

Kiara scoffed, and turned to go back inside. “It’s nothing you haven’t said to me before, JJ.”

“Hey, wait,” he said, reaching out to grab her arm, which she immediately yanks from his grip. “‘Cmon, Kie, I’m just trying to—“

“Don’t you _Kie_ me,” she hisses, shoving him away from her. “I know I messed up, okay? And I tried to apologize to you weeks ago, but you didn’t want to hear it. And now what? I’m just supposed to forget all of the awful things you’ve said to me because _you_ decided we should be friends again?”

When she puts it like that, it does sound kind of shitty. And if he was John B or Pope, he might just apologize again and she’d probably forgive him, but he’s JJ, and the fact that she left still hurts, so he says, “I’m not the one that ditched Kie, that was all you. And you might have John B and Pope wrapped around your finger, but not me. I’m not buying your bullshit, not anymore.”

“God, JJ, listen to yourself!” Kie screams, throwing her hands into the air. “So I didn’t talk to you guys for a few months, get over it!”

“You left!” He yells, and Kie flinches as if he hit her, some unknown emotion replacing the anger on her face. Pity, or guilt, or a mixture of both. But JJ doesn’t care what Kiara thinks of him right now, because he’s finally saying what’s been on his mind for months. “You left Pope, and you left John B, and you left _me_ Kie. And I’ve already had too many people abandon me. You were the last fucking one.”

The rage fueling him is gone as soon as he says it, and JJ takes a step back, his breathing ragged and a strange ache in his chest from the outburst of vulnerability. He doesn’t talk about his feelings, not like this, and certainly not with Kiara. 

He doesn’t want to look at her, but it’s like she’s a freaking magnet, and he can’t help it. She’s standing in front of him, her arms dropping to her sides as she blinks back tears. He didn’t want to make her upset, didn’t want this conversation to go like this, but JJ is used to fucking things up.

“JJ,” she whispers, and he hates the soft sound of her voice, the lack of anger in it.

She takes a step towards him, and he shakes his head, the jagged edge of his keys digging into his palm as he clenches his fists. “Don’t, Kie, I swear—“

She doesn’t stop. JJ wants to walk away, he does, but his feet have suddenly stopped working. “I’m sorry, okay?” Kiara says, and he knows she means it, that she meant it the first time too. “Really, I am. I never meant to abandon you, or John B. You guys are my _family_. Pogues for life. And I know I didn’t act like it before, but I get it now. And I promise, if you let me back in, I will _never_ leave you again.”

JJ nods, tries to pretend he isn’t wiping away tears, and asks, “Why did you?”

Kiara stares at him, surprised, even though there was no real animosity in his voice. “What?” She asks, shaking her head, though he knows she heard him.

“Why’d you leave?” He’s not angry, just curious. “I know your parents took you out of school, but that didn’t mean we had to stop being friends. So, why’d you do it?”

Kiara sighs, biting her lip, and for a second he thinks she might start crying again. “I don’t know how to explain it,” she admits. “I’ve always hated the Kooks, but when you’re surrounded by them all the time, it’s like they... pull you in. It’s so much easier than fighting them, ya know? And it made my parents happy, so I went along with it, and eventually it stopped being an act. But it doesn’t matter, because it’s like you said. They don’t want me.”

JJ had already been feeling guilty over that comment, but hearing her say his own words back to him was worse. “Look, Kie, that’s not—“

“It’s okay,” she says, smiling at him through her tears. “I know you didn’t mean it. Besides, I don’t want them either. I just want you guys— the Pogues.”

JJ doesn’t tell her how much that means to him, the reassurance that she’s not going to bail again, but he still moves forward and pulls her into a hug.

Kiara sighs, her head colliding with his chest as she wraps her arms around his waist and whispers, “I really am sorry, JJ.”

“I know,” he says, resting his head on hers, breathing in the familiar smell of salt and frying oil that follows Kiara everywhere. “So am I.”

✾✾✾

The bracelets were a gift from Kiara, a peace offering of sorts.

She starts bringing them whenever they hang out, pieces of braided rope or the twisted scrap of an old bandana, and JJ knows it’s because she still feels guilty for abandoning them.

They all told her it was unnecessary, but she insisted it was nothing, and now they all wear them. A symbol of their repaired friendship, the alternative to the nice cars and gold chains the Kooks have as symbols of their _Kookness_. 

JJ never takes his off, especially not the black one Kie gave to him the day after they made up. She tied it on his wrist herself, and threatened his life if he ever lost it. 

It’s kind of nice, and he doesn’t know why a piece of an old bandana around his wrist makes him feel like he belongs, but it does.

✾✾✾

JJ has never been able to sit still.

Pope and Kiara always say he has ADHD, which is probably true, since they’re the smart ones, but it’s not like JJ has the time or the money to get officially diagnosed.

He checks all the boxes, though, when Pope lists the symptoms to prove his point.

Impulsive? Check. Anger issues? Check. Minor kleptomaniac? Check.

He tries, he does, to stay out of trouble. Whenever he gets the urge to punch someone, or pick a fight, he takes extra shifts at work, or plans a kegger at the Boneyard, or plays with the bracelets on his wrists.

Sometimes, he braids Kiara’s hair.

It’s normally her who asks, when she sees him getting restless, as if he’s doing _her_ a favor. JJ’s actually gotten pretty good at making the tiny, intricate braids Kiara likes, and he tries not to tug on her hair too hard. When he does, she cringes and swears at him, but she never complains or tells him to stop. 

Sometimes, he thinks about the first day they met, where she told him he had to ask before touching her hair. 

He still asks, but now she always says yes. 

✾✾✾

JJ tries to stay out of trouble, but sometimes he can’t help it.

Like the night he finally makes a move on Kiara.

It was inevitable that he would start crushing on her, that all of them would. It was easy math. Cute girl who can surf and fish and spends most of her time in a bikini, horny teenage boys she’s somehow slumming it with on the Cut.

Obviously, Kie’s attractive. JJ has eyes, just like every other guy in the Outer Banks who started hitting on her in middle school. With her curly hair and tan skin and long legs, the sharp wit and her ability to flirt with anything that breathes, plus the fact that she can surf almost as well as JJ can.

But it’s more than that for him, _she’s_ more than that, and maybe that’s why it takes him so long to make his move. 

Girls are one of the few things that JJ is good at. It’s simple, whether they’re Kooks or Tourons or from the Cut. If she’s hot, and willing to have a good time, JJ’s usually willing to give it to her. And the Boneyard is the prime location to pick them up.

He’s there, at one of the Pogue’s infamous keggers, three beers in and watching Kiara dance with a group of Tourons, boys and girls, who all keep finding excuses to stare at her. He can’t blame them— Kie’s hot, especially when she’s dancing.

It’s kind of her thing. Getting the boys to dance with her, whether it’s when they’re blasting music on the HMS Pogue, or feasting on burgers at the Wreck and her favorite song starts playing over the speakers. And when they weren’t available, she loved to grab some clueless, drunken Touron and let him dance with her. It was a game to her, seeing how long it would take before they asked her to come home with them. She rarely said yes, brushing them off with a kiss on the cheek and a thank you before she went to find one of the Pogues. 

So, when Kiara’s eyes find JJ and she beckons him over, rolling her hips and biting her lip, he’s not surprised. 

He’s not quite sure how it happens. He’s drunk, and when he thinks back on it, he knows it’s the only reason he had the guts to go through with it. All he remembers is that one second he and Kie were dancing, practically grinding on each other, and she was laughing and resting her head on his shoulder, and then he was kissing her.

It lasts for only a second: her lips on his and his hands on her waist and the spark that lights up JJ’s entire body. 

Then Kiara jerks out of his arms, eyes wide and angry as she raises a hand to her lips and says, “ _What the fuck was that?_ ”

If any other girl had rejected him, JJ would have laughed it off. But this is Kiara, and he doesn’t think it’s funny.

“You can’t just do that,” she hisses, looking around to make sure neither John B or Pogue saw what happened. “Pogues can’t mack on other Pogues.”

It hits like a punch to the gut, even though JJ should have seen it coming. Girls like Kiara don’t go for guys like him, and he never should have bothered in the first place. 

Kiara seems confused, like she doesn’t understand _why_ he would want to kiss her, so it’s easier to shrug and laugh and tell her it was a joke, the alcohol and the dancing overriding his judgement. 

He doesn’t know if she believes him, but she never mentions it to any of the other Pogues, and JJ decides it’s better this way.

✾✾✾

The upside of JJ and Kiara both wiping the kiss from their memories is that nothing changes. 

JJ’s still JJ: the impulsive, shit-talking kid from the Cut who is never complete without a bruise or two. And Kie’s still Kie: a rich-hippie chick who loves the environment and is the only reason all of the Pogues have survived this long.

There’s no awkwardness, no tension. She still reprimands JJ every chance she can get, slaps him on the shoulder and shakes her head in disapproval when he pisses her off, let’s him dance with her on the HMS and laughs when he starts to get handsy.

JJ is more than happy to take whatever she’ll give him, and he is strangely comforted by Kiara’s new rule, instated the day after the kiss: _No Pogue on Pogue macking._

And yet, he can’t help but wonder if that rule applies to everyone, or just him. 

Because ever since she got back from her Kook Year, Kiara’s... different when she’s around John B. As if she’s afraid he might break, and JJ knows it’s just because she feels guilty for not being there when his dad went missing, but it still bothers him for some reason. 

It’s the little things. Kiara being pissed that John B surfed the surge during the hurricane, the glare she gives Pope and JJ whenever they start to suggest that Big John isn’t coming back, her telling him to be careful as she hands him the motel key.

 _I mean it,_ she says, and JJ doesn’t quite know how to feel. 

It’s a little too easy to go after John B for it, to tease him until he breaks and tells JJ to cut it out.

John B tells him that it meant nothing, that Kiara’s just being a concerned friend, as if he hasn’t been crushing on her for as long as JJ has. The only difference is that JJ has been in trouble since the day he was born, so it’s no big deal, and yet ever since John B had been given the DCS notice, all Kiara does it tell him to be _careful_.

“When are you gonna swoop on that, man?” He asks, because he can’t help himself. 

In response, John B just says, “Bro, you know the rule. No Pogue-on-Pogue macking.”

Oh, JJ knows that rule. He’s the god damn _reason_ for that rule. 

“Besides, you’re the one who’s always hitting on her,” John B reminds him, shaking his head. 

JJ’s heart skips a beat, and he hates it. They _all_ hit on Kie, that’s the point. “Of course I’m hitting on her,” he says, because it’s no secret. “She’s a super-hot, rich, hippie chick slumming it with us.”

JJ still doesn’t understand why, and he doesn’t think he ever will. He’ll just add it to the list of weird things about Kiara Carrera. 

And he knows he shouldn’t, but he’s selfish and doesn’t want to imagine how this is all going to play out, and that’s why he says, “I know that door’s locked because I’ve tried it. Have you?”

He knows John B thinks he’s referring to the flirting and the dancing, which is what they all do with Kie, but he needs to know. Is he the only one she’s kissed? Or has John B shot his shot with her and been rejected like he had? Honestly, JJ doesn’t know what he wants the answer to be.

But John B doesn’t answer the question, and he tells JJ he needs help, which is true but also a cop-out. 

“It’s like every girl who just has a heartbeat you’re like... “Uhhh!””

 _No, that’s wrong,_ JJ thinks, despite himself. _It’s not every girl. Just the one._

Instead, he says it’s not a big deal, and they leave it at that. 

✾✾✾

And then, suddenly, their lives become a series of breaking into hotel rooms, diving for contraband on an abandoned ship wreck, and being fucking _shot_ at, and it honestly feels like they’re in a movie.

JJ has a gun and a wad of cash, and he’s far more comfortable with the former. He likes it: the power, the rush of adrenaline that hits him the moment he presses it to Topper’s skull.

Kiara hates it, tells him to hurl it into the ocean on more than one occasion, slams her hands into his chest on the beach while John B gasps for air. JJ doesn’t get it. If she’s so concerned about him, then JJ saving his life shouldn’t piss her off as much as it does. 

In fact, ever since they found that boat, it’s like Kiara’s always pissed off. Not at JJ, at least no more than usual, but at John B.

 _Are you serious?_ She asks when he volunteers to dive on a quarter tank of air, shaking her head and moving to the other side of the boat.

But then she kisses his cheek before he goes under, and JJ realizes he has no idea what goes on in Kiara’s head.

✾✾✾

Teasing John B about girls is normal, fun, the kind of thing JJ almost feels obligated to do in his role as best friend since third grade. 

But this time, the girl in question is Kiara, and he’s trying to make it feel as normal as possible.

So, he tells John B to go for it, using her constant concern and that kiss on the cheek that’s burned into his brain as evidence, and hopes that he doesn’t sound jealous, because he isn’t. 

He isn’t jealous when he sees John B holding Kie’s hand while they’re hiding in the rooster shed and she’s crying because two guys just tried to kill them, or when they go off to investigate the lighthouse together without him. 

And he definitely isn’t jealous when John B tells him they kissed after he and Pope ran from the cops. 

“What’d she say after?” He asks, because he’s a masochist, and he’s curious. 

_“_ She didn’t seem to mind,” John B says with a shrug, and JJ’s stomach drops. “But then she said it’s the rule. No Pogue-on-Pogue macking.”

Maybe it makes him a terrible friend, but JJ is still relieved. 

✾✾✾

He realizes, during their hunt for the gold, that Pope has a point.

It _is_ always about John B.

It’s about John B when they almost get killed _multiple_ times by guys with guns, when they’re locking themselves in Big John’s study and Kie’s hands are shaking as she tells JJ to _hurry_ , when JJ and him are outside Lana’s place while the walls shake, listening to her screams. 

It’s about John B when JJ boosts Kie into a tomb full of snakes after she volunteers to search it for clues, when she lies to a security guard and JJ almost gets mauled by a rabid dog. 

Honestly, he doesn’t understand why Kiara’s even here, helping them. She’s a Pogue, of course, but she’s _rich_. She doesn’t need the money, and at this point, it’s causing her more problems than it would solve.

But, you could say the same about the three of them, and she hasn’t cut them loose yet, so. 

It’s when they’re standing in the Wreck, and Kie’s dad is telling her to ditch them, that he begins to understand why it was so much easier for her to go full Kook. 

And he knows it’s coming, but when Kiara looks at them and says, _these are my friends,_ it still catches him off guard. 

He’s not used to someone looking at him, at his friends, and wanting to claim them as their own. It’s nice, and he knows that it isn’t easy for Kiara to go against her parents. 

Hell, she lights a freaking movie screen on fire when Rafe’s arms are around Pope’s throat, all because JJ told him to sink that stupid boat. 

It’s his fault, and he knows it. It’s his fault they’re in this mess, because his temper got the best of him like it always does. It’s his fault Pope’s getting arrested, that he’s going to lose his scholarship.

So JJ does what he does best: he lies, and then the handcuffs are around his wrists and he’s being shoved into a cop car. 

✾✾✾

“You know where I’m from.”

Those are the words JJ says to Shoupe to convince him to arrest him instead of Pope, because he knows they’ll work. Pope might be from the Cut, but unlike JJ he has a family that actually gives a damn about him, and a chance of getting out of this hell hole. JJ isn’t going to be the one to fuck that up.

JJ has a reputation, because the police have the Maybank family name on file, and it’s what expected of someone like him. The kid that’s an outcast even on the Cut, his edges too rough and wild for most people to stomach. It’s written all over Shoupe’s face when he snaps the handcuffs on JJ’s wrists, in the silence that fills the station when his father enters it.

Because there’s no way in hell Mr. Carrera’s gonna bail him out of this one like he did with John B, no matter how much sweet-talking Kiara does. 

When his father’s fist collides with JJ’s face hard enough that he’s spitting blood, he’s not even surprised. 

But now JJ has a gun, and his father is passed out on the couch, and he almost does it. But then he remembers the Pogues and how being sent to jail for murder means he’ll never see them again. He tells himself that’s the reason he doesn’t go through with it, that’s it not because he’s a coward like his father says he is.

The truth is, JJ can hate his father all he wants, but it’s still all people see when they look at him. Luke Maybank’s son, a liar and a thief, who can’t pass for one of the prim and proper waiters at Midsummers because of the bruises covering his face.

When Rafe and his boys corner him in the locker rooms, JJ forces himself to remain calm. He’s gotten out of worse scrapes than this before, and it’s worth it if it means finding the gold, even if a little part of him hates John B for getting him into this situation.

He knows that he should keep a cool head, that it’s what Pope and Kiara would tell him to do, but then Kelce has him in a headlock and Rafe tells JJ that he looks just like his father, and he can’t help himself from spitting in the rich asshole’s face. 

By some miracle, he gets a break. The security guard appears, dragging JJ away from Rafe and his cronies. But Rafe’s a Cameron, and he doesn’t like it when his toys get taken away from him before he’s done playing with them. And the problem is that they have a history, and he knows JJ, and exactly what he needs to say to get him to retaliate. 

“Tell Kiara she looks pretty hot for a Pogue.”

As soon as he says her name, JJ snaps, breaking the guard’s grip and lunging for Rafe, not caring that at this point it’s basically six-on-one. Because Rafe’s a piece of shit, and JJ might not know everything that happened during Kiara’s Kook Year, but the insinuation that he had even _looked_ at Kiara like that was enough to make JJ want him dead.

“This ain’t over!” He shouts over his shoulder as the security guard shoves him out the door, his grip tight enough to bruise to prevent JJ from escaping again. What’s the punishment for posing as a waiter? It can’t be any worse than sinking Topper’s boat. 

Then, JJ’s being shoved through the crowd, even though he keeps insisting he can walk himself out, and he wonders how the hell he’s going to get out of this one when he hears Kiara‘s voice.

“Let go of him!” She screams from the deck, and he realizes why he didn’t recognize her before. She’s wearing her Midsummers outfit, a lavender dress with flowers in her hair, and it’s almost disturbing how easily she blends in with the crowd. This is a part of her life, the one he’s not invited to. It does sting, a little.

But then JJ meets her gaze, sees the worry and anger on her face at the sight of him being hauled out, how she doesn’t even hesitate to defend him. After the day he’s had, JJ doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

“You can’t just boot him!” She yells, and the security guard stops escorting JJ out for a moment, perhaps wondering if he’s made a mistake. 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” He asks, because Kiara’s a guest here, and she’s not as easily dismissed. 

Kie’s parents are at her side now, demanding that she stop talking in low, harsh voices, but she doesn’t listen. “I invited him here! I’m a _member_ of this club—“

It’s the distraction JJ needs to shove the guard away from him, making him crash into a woman who spills her champagne all over his suit. 

“Sorry about that!” JJ shouts, already moving towards the beach as he turns towards Kiara and says, “Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie. Pope, you as well, all right?”

Her parents are still yelling at her, and Pope is looking at JJ as if he’s grown a second head, but he doesn’t have time to wait. 

“Rixon’s Cove. Let’s roll,” he prompts, looking back at Kie, who is still hesitating. He doesn’t think she understands; once you defend a Maybank you’ve officially alienated yourself from Kook life, there’s no hope of salvaging this. 

“All right, Kie, come on,” he calls, clamping a hand around his wrist as he raises his fist into the air. “Workers of the world unite. Throw off your chains!”

It’s the exact bullshit she’s always spitting at them, and he sees her roll her eyes even though she’s laughing. 

It’s exhilarating— the mad dash to the beach, Pope shedding his apron and mumbling apologies to his dad, Kie ignoring her parents protests as she runs towards them. 

“Come on, Kie!” JJ shouts, grinning at the sight of her in full Kook garb, fueled by the adrenaline rush of the last few minutes. He holds out his arms and she launches herself into them, smiling and laughing as he spins her around.

And everyone at Midsummers might know where JJ’s from, whose blood runs in his veins, but in that moment, he doesn’t mind so much. 

✾✾✾

As an unspoken rule, they don’t talk about Kiara’s Kook Year.

The most JJ’s ever gotten out of her about it was the conversation they had in the parking lot of the Wreck, but since then he’s picked up a few more pieces of information.

One: don’t mention Sarah Cameron in front of Kiara if you want to continue, well, _breathing_. 

So, when they’re sitting around the fire at Rixon’s Cove, Kie still wearing that god damn dress that hugs every one of her curves, the flowers in her hair making her look like some kind of freaking fairy-nature-goddess, and John B says Sarah’s name, JJ knows he’s fucked up.

JJ has to admit, John B running around with the Kook Princess herself rubs him the wrong way, but he knows it’s something more for Kie. To her, it’s personal. 

“What did she do to you, exactly?” JJ asks, because he’s dying to know what could make _Kiara_ hate someone this much. 

Kiara’s answer, something about cobras, makes absolutely no sense. She asks John B if anything is happening between them, and he says no, which is a total lie.

And then John B falls from the Hawk’s Nest because Topper fucking _pushed_ him, and Sarah Cameron is crying over his body, but Kie doesn’t have the opportunity to be angry because it’s possible their friend just broke every bone in his body. 

Somehow, he makes it out with a broken wrist and an invitation to stay at Tannyhill, which of course only pisses Kie off more.

JJ doesn’t get it until later, when they’re at the Chateau with Sarah, and she and Kie start bickering.

“Told him, what, exactly? That you’re a liar?”

“No, that you’re a shit-talking bitch.” 

“My money’s on Kie,” JJ mutters to Pope as he hands him a twenty, because how could it _not_ be? 

Kie’s a Pogue, she’s one of them, and whatever Sarah Cameron is to John B it shouldn’t matter because it’s like he says: Kiara’s his _best friend._

So, when Kie tells John B to cut the bullshit and that if Sarah’s in she’s out, JJ thinks he knows what choice he’s going to make. 

But then he shakes his head and says, “Kie, I’m not doing this right now, I can’t—“

“You _are_ gonna decide!” She snaps, interrupting him, and now JJ has officially joined Pope in the _uncomfortable_ boat. “I’m very interested, actually. Me or her?”

“Both.”

It doesn’t work, because Kie’s not an idiot, and if he was in her shoes JJ thinks he would be just as pissed. Hunting for the gold was _their_ thing. They were the ones who’d believed John B when all he had were some old maps and the compass, Kiara even more so than JJ or Pope. 

So, when they’re in the kitchen after Sarah leaves, because John B can’t fucking _choose_ , JJ says, “It’s a no brainer. You’re picking Kie.”

He doesn’t understand how this is even a discussion, because they can’t do this without Kie. But John B has a plan to make them get along, and JJ goes along with it, because it’s _four hundred million dollars,_ and he honestly doesn’t know what he’d do if he had to choose between Kiara and John B.

✾✾✾

Usually, JJ’s not one to break up a fight, but it’s different when it involves Kiara.

Because sure, he might slap her on the shoulder or shove her when he’s pissed, but he never means it.

John B and Kiara going at it over Sarah is funny until it isn’t. 

Kiara’s going on about bad karma and dead ends, and when John B asks her what the deal is with her and Sarah, she says it’s nothing, which they all know is a lie. 

“ _Nothing_? Is it because I kissed you?” John B blurts out, before JJ can warn him that it’s a bad idea. “Is that the problem?”

Kiara’s slap echoes in the damp, mosquito-filled air of the basement, and JJ can’t decide whether to laugh or wince. 

“Stop treating me like I’m some girl that’s _obsessed_ with you,” she hisses, and if looks could kill, John B would be six feet under. “Instead of your best friend who’s actually trying to look out for you.”

When John B asks if she just _hit_ him, she holds up a hand and says _skeeter_ , and JJ laughs under his breath. 

But then John B’s hand hits her face, and he’s not laughing anymore. “Oh, hey, alright _no_ ,” he snaps, because even though Kie would say it’s part of the patriarchal society they live in, John B hitting her feels wrong. 

Kie doesn’t even miss a beat, and there _is_ a dead mosquito on John B’s palm, but JJ’s still prickling with that strange, protective tension as they start laughing and shoving each other. 

✾✾✾

It’s a miracle, but they manage to find the gold.

They’re fleeing from the Crain House after Kiara and Sarah almost get decapitated by an old lady with a fire poker when John B pulls the muddy bar from his pocket. They’re all screaming, and JJ’s pounding the roof of the van as they start chanting _full Kook_ , all the way back to the Chateau. 

Of course, everything goes to shit, because it always does.

Pawning the gold was a stupid idea, which JJ realizes too late when Barry has a gun to his head on the side of the road. And he’s so sick of losing, and he refuses to let some drug dealer who sells to his dad get the better of them, so he hits Barry again with the barrel of the gun and takes his ID from his pocket. 

None of the others, not even John B, understand where he’s coming from. But JJ’s been getting screwed over his entire life, and he doesn’t have the luxury to consider things like morals and being the better person. 

He’s sitting in the car, with a bag full of cash that can solve all his problems, but none of them are getting in, and then John B says it’s because they’re sick of his shit. _JJ’s_ shit, as if they haven’t almost died multiple times while searching for the gold, which was John B’s idea in the first place.

But stealing from a drug dealer, apparently, is where they draw the line.

And yes, it hurts when he walks away and none of them follow, but JJ’s been alone his entire life. He’s used to it.

✾✾✾

Going home is a mistake, it always is.

And JJ knows this, but making mistakes is in his blood, so when he gets drunk and spends all of the money on a hot tub and a generator for the Chateau instead of paying for restitution, he thinks he’s the only one who’s not surprised.

But Pope and Kiara are, when they arrive at the Chateau to find him sipping champagne and telling them to _get in_. 

“Kie, what?” He asks, because he hates the way Kiara is looking at him, like he’s a disappointment and she has no idea what to say. “Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?”

“Are you kidding me?” Pope asks, and JJ doesn’t understand why he seems so shocked. Wasn’t he the one who said JJ was always acting like a maniac? “You could have paid for restitution!”

“Or literally given it to any charity,” Kiara adds, shaking her head.

JJ scoffs, because she just doesn’t get it. But why would she? Kiara’s never had money problems, and she never will. 

“Okay, well you know what?” He shouts, interrupting whatever shit Pope is saying and getting to his feet, swaying a bit from the champagne. “I didn’t do that! I got a hot tub! For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends.”

“No, you know what?” He says, changing his mind, still oblivious to how quiet Kiara and Pope have gotten. “Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family!”

“JJ, what the hell?” Kie asks, and he doesn’t understand the reason for the look of horror on her face until he remembers the bruises covering his stomach, and that Kiara’s never seen this side of him before. And for once, he doesn’t give a shit.

“I got this for you,” he screams, ignoring the way Kie’s shaking her head and Pope looks as if he’s about to be sick. “Guys, look what I did for you, all right? Look at this! _Look at this!_ ”

“ _JJ_ ,” Kiara says again, and she looks as if she’s about to cry, and JJ’s had enough.

“No, you stop being emotional,” he shouts, holding out a hand to stop her, ignoring how rough his own voice sounds, the notes of panic creeping in. “It’s fine, okay? I mean it’s sweet, right? Everything. Let’s just get in—“

He doesn’t get to finish, because Kie’s climbing into the hot tub and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding him as if she thinks he’s about to break, and then JJ’s crying as she clutches him to her chest. 

“I was gonna do it,” he says, and the only reason he can admit it is because his face is buried in her hair and Kiara can’t see him. “I can’t take him anymore!”

He knows he’s sobbing now, shaking as he curls his arms around Kie’s waist, as she pulls him closer and runs her fingers through his hair.

He never thought it would be like this, that Kiara would be the one holding him as he cried, because he’s spent so long hiding this part of his life from her, from everyone. 

“I was gonna kill him!” He sobs, and when he tries to move away, Kie just tugs his head back onto her shoulder with a hand and holds him tighter, and he realizes that’s she’s crying too. So he gives in, and wraps his arms around her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of sand and salt from her hair. 

“I just want to do the right thing,” he gasps, his body still shaking as Pope joins them in the hot tub. 

“I know, I know,” Kie whispers over and over again as she runs her hands over his skin, and the words are still hanging in the air between them when she convinces him to get out of the hot tub and dries his hair with a towel. 

Pope goes home eventually, after a whispered conversation with Kiara that JJ doesn’t even care to listen to, but Kie stays.

“You don’t deserve this, JJ,” she says as she presses an ice pack to one of the bruises on his chest, not meeting his gaze. It’s like she’s afraid to look at him, and JJ doesn’t know why. “You know that, right?”

He can’t bring himself to lie to her, so he stays quiet. It’s just like before, when she sat him down on the pullout couch with Big John’s first aid kit, back when they were barely friends, and fixed him up after one of his dad’s beatings.

Except instead of leaving at the end of it, she grabs his hand and pulls him down onto the pullout, and JJ follows because he doesn’t know what else to do, and that’s how they fall asleep. His head on her shoulder, legs intertwined and fingers brushing. 

He knows Kiara would hate him for thinking it, and it’s not like JJ enjoys the bruises or the pit of anxiety and self-hatred in his gut, but the beating he took from his father, the way he stood over him and thought about killing him, almost feels worth it when he gets to have her like this. 

✾✾✾

It’s the next morning, after Pope’s arrived and JJ and Kiara have showered and changed, when John B appears.

Pope’s testing the rig he hooked up so they can get the gold, and Kie’s hanging from a tree in a bucket, laughing as JJ works to clean up the mess he made last night. He’ll have to return the hot tub at some point, and he’s about to suggest they go for a first and final dip, when John B comes out of the woods and disappears inside the Chateau, as if he can’t hear JJ shouting at him.

Then he pulls the gun from the couch cushions, and JJ starts to get nervous. Because John B isn’t talking to them, and he has this _look_ on his face, and then he shoves JJ onto the couch as Kie screams at him.

“Ward knows about the gold!” He shouts over his shoulder as he hops on JJ’s bike and revs the engine. “He killed my father.”

Kie stops screaming at him then, and JJ’s heart plummets, because even if he had figured that Big John was likely dead he had still _hoped_ , ya know? 

Then John B’s gone, and it’s just the three of them standing in the street alone.

✾✾✾

JJ loves conflict, but not when it‘s amongst the Pogues.

Ironically, he’s typically the cause of it. It’s something about Maybanks: they know just how to get people going, so all it really takes is one comment to piss his friends off.

Still, until recently, they never really said things that _hurt_. Or, at least, they tried not to.

But now, they’re sitting in the HMS outside Ward Cameron’s place, searching for any sign of John B, and Pope and Kiara are starting to get heated.

“Okay, so that’s it?” Kie asks when Pope suggests they go home. “In a time of need you’re just gonna bail? You’re just gonna walk away?” 

“Okay, yo, guys, can we not do this right now?” JJ mumbles, ripping his hat off his head as Kiara gives him a look of disbelief.

“Hey, I have a scholarship interview in the morning,” Pope reminds them, as if they could forget. “I can’t—“

“Okay, well, what about John B?” Kiara demands, her voice rising. 

“Why is it always about John B?” Pope shouts in response, and he may have a point, but it’s the wrong thing to say.

JJ sighs, burying his head in his hands when Kiara glances at him, like she’s looking to see if he agrees. “It’s not always about John B,” she argues, though she sounds like she’s panicking, and JJ thinks it’s because she knows Pope’s right. “You’re so stupid, it would be _any_ of you guys in this situation.”

She gestures towards JJ, and he doesn’t like where this conversation is going, but then Pope says, “Oh, bullshit! 

“Guys—“ JJ tries again, because they’re being fucking loud, and it feels like either one of them is about to snap. “Bring it down—“

“This is about _friendship_ ,” Kiara says before he can finish, her voice breaking. “Look, this is about Pogues, for life!”

JJ lets them go for another minute, until Pope gets in Kie’s face and spits at her, telling her to stop with the moral highground bullshit.

“Pope, come on,” he says, shaking his head, because he knows where this is going, and it’s forbidden territory.

“No,” Pope snaps at him before turning back to Kiara, who still seems confused. “No, no, she has no room to talk!”

“Where were you when Big John went missing?” He asks, and Kiara takes a step back, as if Pope had slapped her. “You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B, you weren’t there for any of us. Remember your Kook Year?”

“ _Dude_ ,” JJ hisses, glaring at Pope, because it’s not fair to bring that up right now, and he’s breaking one of the unspoken rules that have kept the Pogues together for this long. 

“Yeah, you forgot about us,” he finishes, ignoring JJ as Kiara’s bottom lip starts to tremble. “Now you feel guilty.”

“Give me a break!” She shouts, shoving him in the chest, and JJ is already telling them to cut it out, but Kie’s not stopping. “That’s what you need? You need a break? Move—“

JJ already screaming _hey_ over and over again, but when Pope pushes Kie back, he jumps to his feet and shoves himself between them. 

“If I’m the one mediating, we’ve hit rock bottom,” he tells them, glaring at Pope, who still looks pissed, even though JJ knows he can see the tears in Kie’s eyes. 

“Bow, now,” he orders, and Pope swears at him but doesn’t argue as Kie sits down behind JJ and brushes her hair out of her face, trying to make it seem like she’s not crying. 

He has the brief, sudden urge to punch Pope in the face.

It’s quiet all the way back to the Chateau, and JJ knows it’s the strain of the last few days, and the absence of John B that’s behind it, but it still feels like something’s shifting. They’re off balance without their fourth member, the one that ties them all together, and JJ doesn’t know how to fix it.

✾✾✾

Their attempt to get the gold back from Ward is an absolute shitshow, one that ends with Sheriff Peterkin bleeding out on the airstrip, the Pogues running from the cops, and John B as a murder suspect.

So, when Pope explodes, JJ considers it a perfectly reasonable reaction given their current situation. It still freaks Kie out, and she shakes her head as he hands Pope her juul. 

“Yeah, what is that gonna help?” She asks, rolling her eyes, glaring at JJ as if this is his fault. 

Then Pope tells them that he lost his scholarship, and Kie goes quiet, whispering the words, “You did that for us?”

“No, not for us,” he says, rising to his feet. “For _nothing_.”

✾✾✾

The next twenty-four hours are a blur of running from the cops and frantically planning John B’s escape. It all feels a little surreal, like ever since their friend appeared in the airport hanger, his hands stained with Peterkin’s blood, they’re in one of those Kingpin movies Kie used to tease them about. 

There’s a few moments that stand out, like when Kie tells him his old man is an abusive liar, and he remembers that oh, shit, she _knows_ now. The urge to defend his father is stupid, irrational, and he ignores it. 

“JJ, it’s not funny, he shouldn’t be driving,” she snaps when Pope is high as fuck, and he stops laughing as she slams the passenger door and gets in the driver seat.

They crash at the Wreck that night, and when JJ wakes up, there’s a certain amount of tension between Pope and Kie that he doesn’t even want to understand. She tells him to be careful, and Pope outright ignores her, which is weird. Pope’s the last person to get pissed off at Kie, and usually the first one to forgive her. 

JJ looks at her, and Kiara seems upset, so he doesn’t push it. 

“Look, I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings,” she says as Pope revs the bike engine over the sound of her voice, and JJ starts to get an idea of what all of this is about. “I didn’t mean to.”

Pope leaves without listening to her, and Kie looks like she might start crying again, but before JJ can say anything an SBI helicopter flies overhead, and after that they have bigger problems.

✾✾✾

“You sure he just wasn’t being weird Pope?” JJ asks as they’re grabbing supplies from the Wreck.

“It wasn’t really the kind of thing that needed interpretation,” Kiara explains, sighing as she hands the bread to him over the counter.

He tells her not to beat herself up over it, but she doesn’t seem convinced. JJ doesn’t even have the energy to be jealous. To him, Pope was never a concern when it came to Kie, the least likely outcome. 

It was always John B, or at least it seems that way when Kie is screaming at her mom through the car window, telling her _John B needs me._

It bothers him more than he thought it would. Not Kie’s loyalty to John B, but the fear in her mother’s voice as her daughter slams the door in her face and drives away. Kiara has a family that cares about her, and her mother is right about this being dangerous. This isn’t just running from security guards after hanging out on private property, this is murder. JJ almost asks her if she wants to turn around, but he knows what the answer would be.

✾✾✾

Pope’s the one who suggests the Phantom as John B’s means of escape, and he doesn’t listen to JJ’s half-assed protests of _it’s not that easy_ and _I don’t know where the keys are._

The truth is, he knows exactly where the keys are. With his father. 

_You might end up in the lion’s den, but you don’t go there on purpose._

That’s what he said to John B the other night. So much for following his own advice.

“Home sweet home,” he whispers when Kie parks the car in front of his house, choking on the words as his eyes start to burn. 

Maybe Pope hasn’t connected the dots, too wrapped up in his own self-pity, but Kie has. 

“Do you want me to come?” She asks as he unbuckles his seatbelt, and he can tell that she means it. “‘Cause I’ll come.”

“No,” he says with a shake of his head, because this could get ugly, and there’s no way he’s letting Kiara anywhere near his dad when he’s in one of his moods. “This will only take a second.” 

And because he can’t help himself, he looks back at her before he goes inside, and Kiara gives him an encouraging smile, but he still sees the worry on her face.

It’s strange, to know someone will care if he doesn’t come back. JJ doesn’t quite know what to do with that. 

So, he smiles at her, and then he enters the lion’s den. 

✾✾✾

It’s silent as they drive to the shipyard.

JJ’s heart is still racing, and he’s trying to decide what he’s supposed to be feeling after his conversation with his father, because what the fuck was _that_? 

He’s winding the keychain around his fingers to keep himself from hitting something, and normally this is when Kiara tells him to chill the fuck out, but she’s not talking either.

In fact, she’s clutching the steering wheel as if her life depends on it, her breathing shaky as she eyed the storm clouds gathering above.

“It’ll be fine,” he tells her when she opens her mouth to say something, clearly on the verge of a panic attack. “It’ll be fine with the Phantom. She’ll get out of here quick.”

He tells himself he believes it, but then there’s four police cars racing by with their sirens blaring, and it’s starting to feel like they’re already out of time.

✾✾✾

Kie’s making fun of his boat, which isn’t cool, but them bickering is the most normal thing that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours.

For a minute, JJ thinks they actually might be okay, that their shitty plan could work.

But then Rafe appears, and Kie’s backing away from him, and when she glances at JJ he realizes there’s real fear in her eyes. 

He hates it.

Barry whistles from behind him, and that’s when he knows they’re screwed. 

His gun is out in a second, pointed at JJ’s chest, and JJ’s is only a few feet away in the passenger seat of Kie’s car, but it’s too risky. Especially when Rafe is circling Kiara, watching her like he’s waiting to see what she’ll do next. 

Barry isn’t someone you fuck with, and JJ knows that Kiara was right when she told him not to steal the money from his place when his fist collides with JJ’s jaw. 

Kie’s screaming his name as he hits the ground, and he sees Rafe wrap an arm around her waist and lift her into the air.

JJ tries to get up, but Barry slams his head into the concrete, and it’s kind of hard to think when he’s still screaming in JJ’s face.

He hears Rafe asking Kie where John B is, and the sound of her slapping him echoes. 

“I don’t know!” She screams as Barry kicks JJ in the stomach, knocking the air from his lungs. 

Rafe and Kiara’s voices are getting louder, and then JJ hears her say that she knows he murdered the sheriff, and he swears under his breath.

“I really wish you didn’t do that,” Rafe tells her, and through his blurred vision, JJ watches him wrap his hand around Kiara’s throat. 

She starts to choke, grabbing at his hands as she gasps for air, but then Barry starts laying into him again, demanding JJ give him the money, and he can’t focus on anything else. 

Then Pope arrives, nailing Rafe in the back with a crow bar, and Barry’s raising his gun, but JJ grabs him by the ankles and screams at Kie to kick it away. 

Somehow, it’s JJ and Kiara screaming at _Pope_ to stop hitting Rafe. There’s a moment where JJ thinks he might kill him, but he lets go when JJ wraps his arms around his neck and Kie screams at him to _look at her._

Rafe’s lying on the ground groaning, JJ’s body is starting to ache, Kie’s nose is bleeding, and Pope almost killed somebody, but they’re running out of time, and he doesn’t have the opportunity to process what just happened before Kie starts telling them they have to go. 

Then, they’re standing on the dock as John B’s preparing to leave, and it feels less anticlimactic than JJ thought it would. They’d been running around nonstop for days, everything they’ve done building to this moment, but he knows he still hasn’t processed the fact that John B’s leaving them.

He starts apologizing, for everything, but JJ doesn’t want to hear it. 

“We were bound to run off the cliff at some point, right?” He says, wrapping his arms around Kie and Pope, all of them blinking back tears. “At least we did it together, though. Pogue style.”

They’re all laughing and crying, and it’s far sappier than JJ wants it to be, but Kie’s resting her head on his shoulder, and they’ll see John B in a few months, so it’ll be fine.

✾✾✾

The three of them remain on the dock for a long time after the Phantom disappears, thunder rumbling and police sirens howling in the distance, and as JJ turns back towards the car Pope starts apologizing and Kie pulls him into a hug. 

He’s glad the two of them finally made up, but when he turns around to tell them that they should go, he stumbles back a step, because Kiara’s kissing Pope, and it feels like the final blow after a day-long beating.

He shouldn’t be surprised, but it still stings a little. No Pogue on Pogue macking is apparently no longer valid, but John B’s gone, so maybe all the rules have changed.

✾✾✾

Longer story short, it’s not fine. 

They’re shoved into a police tent, and it feels wrong to talk when they’re surrounded by sirens and people with guns, when John B’s heading into a storm that will likely kill him.

Then he’s talking on the radio, and Sarah’s somehow with him, and Kiara and Pope are holding hands. Ward and Shoupe are trying to talk them down, and JJ forces numbness into his veins, because the alternative is him murdering Ward Cameron in front of two dozen police officers.

There’s a moment where JJ thinks they might make it, but then the radio signal cuts out, and they’re left waiting for news.

When Shoupe enters the tent, JJ knows what the verdict is from the look on his face.

John B’s dead, and he’s not coming back.

It’s not real until Kie says it, and Shoupe tries to pretend like there’s a chance this all has a happy ending, but JJ knows better.

He starts screaming at Shoupe, hitting things, because that’s what JJ does when he’s angry, and he ignores Kie when she starts screaming at him to stop.

Because he has no one, and even once the Heyward’s pull him into their family hug, his brain starts flickering between different images from the past twenty-four hours. His father’s unconscious form lying on the couch next to an empty bottle of pills, Kie kissing Pope, the Phantom capsizing with John B and Sarah on board.

His best friend’s dead, and there’s nothing JJ can do about it.

✾✾✾

There’s no memorial service.

Not for John B, at least. The Cameron’s have one for Sarah, because Ward and Rafe are somehow the fucking victims of this story, but none of the Pogues are invited.

He doesn’t know if Pope or Kiara’s parents believe them when they say John B’s innocent, and it’s not like his father asks.

JJ crashes at the Chateau for weeks, and when Kiara and Pope are finally let out of house arrest, they all go down to the dock and sit on the HMS, passing around a bottle of Big John’s whiskey. It’s the only alcohol left in the house— because it was Big John’s favorite, and John B never let anyone drink it.

He’s not around to tell them off, now, though, and Kiara doesn’t even protest when JJ offers her the bottle.

He doesn’t ask what’s going on between her and Pope, and he doesn’t care.

It’s a lie, but JJ decides to give himself a break this time.

They don’t talk about John B, because it’s still too soon for that, but he knows they all consider this their version of a memorial.

Maybe it’s possible he’s still alive, that he and Sarah washed up on some beach somewhere and are sipping Pina Coladas in the Caribbean right now. It’s possible, but unlikely, so JJ doesn’t say it out loud.

Still, when the bottle’s empty and Pope’s passed out at the bow, Kie asks him, “Do you think there’s a chance they’re still alive? Like a real chance, don’t just say it to make me feel better.”

He’s still saying it to make her feel better, but for a moment JJ allows himself to believe it’s true. “Yeah,” he tells her, as they watch the sun set over the water and she rests her head on his shoulder. “There’s always a chance.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You might as well accept it now, Maybank,” she said, her fingers brushing against his as she took the joint from him, resting her head on his shoulder. “We’re family, right? You’re stuck with me.”
> 
> She doesn’t have to look at JJ to know that he’s smiling as he wraps an arm around her and pulls her into his side. 
> 
> “Okay, Kie,” he whispers into the top of her head, his fingers brushing the bare skin between her shorts and shirt, and Kiara hopes that her shiver can be chalked up to the breeze and not the feeling of his hands on her. “Whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s official, these two have completely taken over my life. this got long fast, so if anyone actually finishes it please let me know your thoughts in the comments! i may continue this as a season two AU, and i’m planning other jiara fics, so keep an eye out for those :)

The first time John B brings Kiara to the Chateau, she doesn’t recognize him at first. 

It could be the nerves. Kiara would like to believe that she isn’t the type of person who cares what people think of her, but she also knows what this looks like. The rich, spoiled Kook trying to hang with the boys from the Cut. So, yes, she’s nervous.

It could also be because it’s been eight years, and he looks entirely different.

When she first met JJ Maybank, he was a scrawny, wild kid from the wrong side of the island. Even then, he was the kind of person her parents would have told her to stay away from. 

So, when he’d tried to touch her hair on the playground, _without asking_ , she’d shoved him into the dirt and said _you can’t just do that._

Now he has at least six inches on her, and he’s far from _scrawny_ , and yes okay, she has a thing for blondes. 

He raises a hand to John B in greeting, but then his attention shifts to Kiara, his blue eyes piercing as he looks her over, and she knows that all he’s seeing is _Kook_. 

John B is either oblivious to the sudden tension in the room, or has chosen to ignore it, because he asks his friends if it’s okay if Kiara joins them. The tall, dark-skinned boy in the kitchen just nods and waves at her, and Kiara smiles back, relieved, but then JJ says _no way in hell._

Kiara flinches, but John B just shakes his head and says, “JJ, she’s staying, stop being an asshole.”

JJ rolls his eyes, and he shoves into her on his way out the door, heading towards the boat at the end of the dock. 

“He’ll come around,” John B tells her, and Pope is smiling at her, so Kiara decides to take his word for it.

Because for some reason, even though they’ve just met, she wants JJ to like her. 

✾✾✾

The more time she spends with the boys, the more Kiara learns.

She learns that John B wears his heart on his sleeve, and that Pope talks about dead bodies when he’s nervous.

She also learns that JJ Maybanks is stubborn as hell. 

He doesn’t like her, that much is clear. 

At first, he refuses to acknowledge her presence, as if she’s a stray dog looking for scraps that will go away if he ignores her for long enough. Then, he starts to get mean, rolling his eyes whenever she talks and slipping hidden insults into every conversation. She’s not used to this— on Figure Eight, people never _act_ like they hate you, even when you know that they do. Honestly, JJ’s upfront approach is almost refreshing. 

But JJ has just met her, and he doesn’t know that Kiara can be stubborn too. 

And despite his attempts to make her hate him, Kiara understands JJ more than he thinks, so she does the one thing she knows will get under his skin.

She starts being nice to him. It’s little things: making sure she always says his name when she arrives at the Chateau, laughing at his jokes, bribing him with burgers from the Wreck because she knows he can’t resist free food.

And she thinks it’s working, because he doesn’t leave when she enters the room anymore, and his insults have less bite to them, and when she pushes Pope off of the dock one day he actually laughs. 

She can tell he doesn’t _want_ to like her, and maybe it makes her pathetic, but she doesn’t stop trying.

✾✾✾

Kiara is the kind of girl who lives in two different worlds, but the longer she spends on the Cut, she realizes she only _belongs_ in one.

She loves it— the fresh ocean air and the secret beaches the Kooks don’t know about, the Chateau with it’s unlocked doors and the pullout couch she spends more nights on than her actual bed. 

Her parents don’t understand why Kiara wants to spend all of her time in the place her father worked so hard to escape, and she doesn’t know how to explain it to them. But it feels right, more than any party at the country club or sleepover with the girls from school ever has, and Kiara’s happy so they don’t push it.

And yes, there are things that take some getting used to. Like how Big John and JJ’s dad don’t seem to care where their sons spend the night or whether or not they have food to eat, and how Pope doesn’t get an allowance even though he spends all of his free time working for Heyward. Kiara’s learned to think before she opens her mouth, and that life is far more complicated than she thought it was.

But there are moments where her Kook upbringing makes an appearance, even though she does everything she can to make the boys forget where she comes from.

Like when she arrives at the Chateau to find JJ leaning against the kitchen counter, covered in bruises and wincing as he lifts a bag of frozen peas to his face. 

Kiara forgets to act like this is normal, because even though she’s seen JJ with a bruised cheek or split lip before, this is different. 

She’s not proud of it, but she panics, dropping her bag in the doorway and rushing to his side. And she knows this isn’t the way to get JJ to open up, that genuine concern and Maybanks don’t mix, but she can’t help it.

She moves to touch the bruise on his cheek, but JJ flinches away from her, and that’s when she remembers that they’re not friends. All of the progress she’s made with him seems to vanish when she asks what happened and he tells her to _fuck off._

And just like that, Kiara snaps. Maybe it’s the bruises on JJ’s face, or that he’s gritting his teeth as he shoves off the counter and turns to leave because apparently he can’t even be in the same _room_ as her, but she’s had enough.

She had _tried_ to be patient with him, to give him time to come to her, and it hadn’t worked. Maybe it was time for her to stop trying. 

“Fuck you, JJ,” she hisses, and he freezes, his eyes wide with something like shock as he turns around to look at her. 

She knows it’s because she’s never talked to him like that before, let him walk all over her for _months_ , but Kiara doesn’t give a shit.

“What did I ever do, to make you hate me so much?” She says, ignoring the fact that her eyes are burning as she asks the question. Because yes, she’s from the Kook side of the island, but it’s been weeks of fishing trips and surfing and she needs to know why JJ still sees her as the enemy. 

“I don’t know,” JJ admits, not even looking at her. “Nothing, you did nothing. It was all me. I’m an asshole.”

It’s the shittiest apology she’s ever heard. Actually, it’s not even an apology. Or an explanation. But it’s not an excuse either, and she knows that this is how JJ admits that he’s wrong. 

And it makes her pathetic, it does, but that’s all it takes for her forgive him. 

“Well, we already knew _that_ , dumbass,” she tells him, because honestly, she doesn’t know how someone who is this much of an idiot managed to get the better of her for so long. 

She leaves to find Big John’s first aid kit, because JJ is swaying on his feet, and she knows better than to suggest that they go to the hospital. When she gets back, JJ’s sitting on the pullout couch, and he’s got this look on his face like _what the hell are you still doing here?_

JJ has never been the kind of person to willingly accept help from anyone, so when Kiara sits down beside him and he notices the first aid kit, she stops him before he can even open his mouth.

“Just let me take care of you, asshole,” she says, shaking her head as she sorts through the contents of the first aid kit. 

It’s a miracle, but JJ actually manages to keep his mouth shut as she cleans the cuts on his face and treats his split lip as best she can. Apparently, her doing a semi-decent thing is all it takes to shut him up. Go figure. 

Still, Kiara knows that it’s more than that. JJ might appreciate the medical attention, but what really matters to him is that she didn’t walk away. That she stayed. 

She almost asks about the bruises, because she wants JJ to trust her, to know that she’s not going anywhere. 

But she also doesn’t want to push him, so she leaves when she’s done, and neither of them mention it again.

✾✾✾

JJ might be a hard person to get close to, but once you’re in with him, you’re _in_. 

Kiara knew this, but she didn’t really understand what it meant to be one of JJ’s people until the day she learns her parents have enrolled her in the _Kook Academy_. 

She’s sitting at the end of the dock at the Chateau, trying to hide the fact that she’s crying, because compared to the shit John B and JJ and Pope have to deal with, being upset over transferring to a new school feels ridiculous. They also tend to get protective, and the last thing she needs is John B or JJ asking her who they have to kill for making her cry. 

JJ’s the one who finds her, and even though Kiara knows that he’s noticed the tears on her face, he doesn’t ask her what’s wrong. That’s what she likes about JJ— he doesn’t push. John B can’t stand to see his friends in pain, and she loves him for it, but sometimes his upfront approach to everything can cause more problems than it solves. Pope tends to get awkward around emotions in general, but JJ always seems to know when Kiara wants to talk and when she just needs someone to listen. Which is a surprise, because getting him to keep his mouth shut in most situations is a challenge.

They sit in silence until Kiara’s tears dry on her cheeks, and then JJ asks her what’s up. The question is casual, and she knows it’s a tactic to get her to talk, but she takes the bait anyway. 

“My parents are sending me to the Kook Academy,” she tells him, practically snarling the word _Kook_ , because right now the thing she wants more than anything is to live on the Cut with the rest of the Pogues. “And I tried to argue, but they wouldn’t listen. I start in the fall, and I’ll have to spend the rest of high school with a bunch of rich, stuck-up assholes who hate my guts.”

JJ tries to tell her that it won’t be that bad, and she knows he’s just trying to make her feel better, but it doesn’t work. 

She snaps at him, and JJ’s quiet after that, but he doesn’t leave, and Kiara feels a sudden rush of fondness for the boy sitting next to her. 

“I’m going to be alone,” she says eventually, struggling to voice the thought that had entered her head the moment her parents told her the news. “And you’ll be here, with the guys, and what if once I’m a Kook, I can’t be a Pogue anymore?”

And maybe it’s a stupid thing to worry about, but if she’s being honest Kiara is still waiting for the Pogues to kick her to the curb, and she has no idea what she’ll do if that happens. 

Kiara expects JJ to brush it off, to tell her that she’s being ridiculous, but he surprises her when he reaches over and wraps an arm around her, pulling her into his side. JJ tends to run hot, and his skin is warm against hers. She can’t resist the urge to lean in, to breathe in the familiar scent of salt and sand that is so distinctly _JJ_. 

She rests her head on his shoulder, and fortunately JJ has the rare tack not to mention the fact that she’s soaking his shirt with her tears.

“You’ll always be a Pogue, Kie,” he tells her, and Kiara nods, comforted by the absence of doubt in his voice. “Pogues for life, remember?”

 _Kie_. It was JJ who first called her that, when they were fishing on the HMS one afternoon and he asked her to pass him a beer. She had never mentioned it, because she was afraid acknowledging it would make him stop, and for some reason she liked that he was the one who had given her a nickname.

Because JJ had been the last one of the boys to accept Kiara, and him giving her a nickname felt like confirmation that she really did belong with him and the Pogues, and that was what she wanted more than anything. 

✾✾✾

Later, when she looks back on her Kook Year, Kiara knows exactly where things went wrong. It comes down to one person. 

Sarah Cameron. 

The thing is, she never means for it to get as bad as it does. The problem is that Kiara learns she’s very good at excuses, and that when Sarah Cameron asks her to do something, it becomes impossible for her to say no. 

Maybe it’s a thing with all Kooks, that magnetic pull that draws you in and makes you feel like you’d do anything to belong with them.

Her first month at the Kook Academy is the worst month of Kiara’s life. Everything she’s ever done to make sure they know she’s not one of them comes back to bite her in the ass.

It’s a month of dirty looks, of listening to crude comments about her and whatever the hell she gets up to with those boys from the Cut, people _accidentally_ shoving her in the hallway and refusing to sit with her at lunch. It ends with a bang, when she sees the Kiara Carrera hate page that is run by a few of the girls in her grade. 

She’s crying in the bathroom when _Sarah Cameron_ of all people finds her and asks if she wants to go save baby seas turtles with her after school. 

Kiara says yes, of course, because Sarah’s the most popular girl in school and it’s _sea turtles_.

She doesn’t even remember that she was supposed to spend the afternoon surfing with the Pogues.

That’s how it starts— last minute texts canceling plans, squeezing in an hour of surfing before rushing to Sarah’s house to get ready for a party, telling herself that the boys wouldn’t miss her if she just spent the day at the Cameron’s pool instead.

They all start to pull away from her, especially JJ, and she notices and she hates it but she has no idea how to fix it, because she’s friends with Sarah Cameron now and she doesn’t know if she could stop even if she wanted to.

Then Big John goes missing, and Kiara is sitting in her car outside the Chateau with a crumpled missing persons report in her hands, crying because it’s been three days and she didn’t even _know_ , and she has no one to blame but herself. 

✾✾✾

It’s okay for a while, because even though she’s lost the Pogues she still has Sarah.

They’re lying on a blanket at the beach one day, cheeks flushed and chests heaving from chasing the gulls away from the sand piper nests, when Kiara tells Sarah that she loves her.

Sarah doesn’t say it back, and then Kiara’s sitting in her bedroom on a Friday night watching her best friend’s birthday party on a series of Instagram stories, checking the tags in pictures and realizing that everyone was invited but her.

And yes, she calls the cops, because she’s angry and hurt and doesn’t understand what she did to make Sarah hate her.

She doesn’t even consider calling John B or JJ or Pope, because she doesn’t think she can handle being rejected twice in one night, so she cries herself to sleep instead. 

✾✾✾

It takes three weeks for Kiara to gather up enough courage to go to the Chateau and apologize. 

She brings a case of beer as a peace offering, rehearses what she’s going to say a thousand times, but every word she’d practiced goes right out of her head when she sees the hatred in JJ’s eyes.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” He snarls, and she flinches, taking a step back at the sneer on his face. She knows that look, has seen him use it on countless Kooks before, but she never thought it would be directed at her.

“What’re you doing here, Kiara?” John B asks her, and he might be using her full name, but he doesn’t sound as angry as JJ does. Kiara doesn’t understand— he’s the one she hurt the most. She should have been there for him when Big John went missing. She doesn’t think she’ll ever stop feeling guilty for it. 

“I just came to say... hey, I guess,” she says, ignoring JJ’s scoff. “And tell you that I’m sorry.”

Kiara looks right at John B as she says it, because she needs him to know that she means it, even if JJ’s greeting tore the carefully constructed apology she’d prepared to pieces. All of the excuses she’d thought of seem useless now, and she’s tired of pretending with the Pogues. She’s going to own up to her mistakes, and if they still don’t want her around, she’ll understand. 

“So, Kie, how’s—“

“That’s it?” JJ asks, interrupting Pope before he can finish, and the momentary relief Kiara had felt at the use of her old nickname vanishes. “We’re all good? She comes crawling back after ditching us to play little rich girl with the Kook Princess for a year, with a few lousy beers and a shitty apology, and you two are just gonna take it?”

John B says JJ’s name, like an owner telling it’s dog to leave it, and Kiara knows it’s a mistake. He should just let JJ run his course, say what he wants to say to her. Kiara can take it, even though she knows it will hurt. 

“JJ, it’s not like that. I just want to hear what she has to say—“

“Yeah, let’s hear it,” JJ snaps, stalking towards Kiara, and she forces herself to stand her ground. In a fight, JJ’s like a wild animal: let him see that you’re afraid, and you’re done for. “I would love to know what bullshit excuse she’s prepared for us this time— what was the last one? Saving baby sea turtles with Sarah _fucking_ Cameron?”

The reminder of Sarah hurts more than she wants it to, and Kiara’s retort dies on her lips. Did she think this would be easy? Of course not. But she hadn’t counted on JJ being this angry with her, this _mean_. 

“Seriously, _Kie_ , I would love to know,” he continues, and she feels the tears gathering in her eyes at the sound of the nickname coming from his mouth. JJ knows exactly what he’s doing, and she knows he’s just trying to hurt her, but it still stings. “How was Kook life? Did you like it? Bet it felt real good, huh, lounging by the pool and partying with the Cameron’s, while everything went to shit with John B, with his dad. Where were you then, huh? Because you certainly weren’t here, so I don’t know what the hell you expect from us!”

John B tells JJ to cool it, but Kiara doesn’t miss the glimmer of pain in her friend’s eyes. She understands why JJ is so pissed at her; she knows that if any of them had abandoned John B like she had she would be acting the same exact way. 

“No, she needs to hear this!” JJ shouts, that vein in his temple pulsing like it always does when he’s angry, and Kiara finds herself agreeing with him. She deserves this. “You left us, you abandoned us, the people who stood by you through everything. And sure, you got a taste of the good life, but tell me, where are all your Kook friends now? What, they didn’t want you anymore?”

“They never wanted me!” Kiara screams, because JJ hit the nail on the head, and it fucking _hurts_. “And I’m sorry, I know I screwed up, but... I want to come back. I miss you guys.”

JJ rolls his eyes and shakes his head, and then John B says his name again, and Pope is giving him a _look_ , but Kiara can’t even appreciate the fact that they’re siding with her because she thinks JJ’s right.

“Fuck this, and fuck you,” he growls, already moving towards the spot where his bike is parked. “I’m out of here.”

Kiara opens her mouth to tell him to stay, that she’ll leave instead, but then he says, “Oh, and Kiara? What I said on that dock? Forget it.”

_You’ll always be a Pogue, Kie._

Kiara saw it coming, she did, but it still hurts. 

✾✾✾

John B and Pope are surprised when JJ’s rage doesn’t lessen in the following weeks, but Kiara’s not. 

She knows him, knows how stubborn he can be, and that people leaving is already a sore spot for him. She expected it, but what she didn’t expect was for Pope and John B to forgive her so easily. But she’s happy to have them back, so she doesn’t question it.

She knows they’re trying to work on JJ, and that they think the more time she spends with him the better, but sometimes Kiara wonders if her constant presence makes it worse.

It’s weeks of snide remarks and dirty glares, but Kiara bites her tongue, because nothing would make JJ happier than the knowledge that he’s gotten under her skin.

She finally breaks one night, when they’re huddled around a fire at the beach after a long day of surfing. Kiara’s exhausted from the sun and the salt water and her body hitting the waves, so her guard is down.

They’re all drinking, JJ from a flask filled with his dad’s whiskey, and maybe that has something to do with it when he says, “Listen, y’all can pine over little miss rich girl here all you want, but I’m not taking any Kook’s leftovers—“

It’s the insinuation that gets her, the complete lack of respect, the fact that JJ knows what would hurt her the most and uses it to his advantage. She hates this, she _hates_ him, and she hates herself for letting it go on for this long. 

Kiara meets his heated, weighted stare over the crackling flames of the fire, because of course he’s watching her, waiting for her reaction, and says, “Shut the _fuck_ up, JJ.”

JJ’s eyes don’t leave hers as he raises the flask to his lips, waiting for her to explode. 

Well, Kiara’s not going to disappoint. If he wants her angry, he can have her. “If you have something to say, JJ, don’t be a little bitch about it,” she snaps, springing to her feet, her fists clenched at her sides. “I already know you hate me, so there’s no need to waste your breath.”

JJ shrugs, as if he regrets what he’s about to say. “You know, I think I was wrong,” he sighs, taking another long draw from the flask, his blue eyes like chips of ice, a sharp contrast to the flames at their feet. “You _are_ a Pogue, the fish the Kooks threw back to us because they didn’t want it. But you what, _Kie_? We don’t want you either.”

If he says something else after that, Kiara doesn’t hear him.

The rush of anger she feels is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over her head and pulling her under. She doesn’t fight it, doesn’t want to anymore. 

She lunges at JJ, practically trembling with rage, and her fists hit his chest as she screams at him. She wants him to fight back, but he doesn’t, in fact he’s just _taking_ it, so she raises a hand and strikes him across the face. 

John B’s on her in an instant, his arms wrapping around her and pressing Kiara against his chest as he drags her away. She tries to escape his hold, but John B is stronger than her, and she hates it. She hates him, hates JJ, hates _everything_. 

She knows she’s crying, and she hates that too, because she doesn’t want JJ to know that he actually managed to hurt her. 

But her screams are more like sobs now, and she knows they’ve all noticed, because Pope’s not looking at her and John B is carrying her back to the van and JJ is watching it all unfold with this unreadable expression on his face. 

Most of all, Kiara hates that she cares so damn much, because the moment that JJ can no longer see her she collapses against John B’s chest and cries until he guides her into the passenger seat and drives her home.

He doesn’t try to tell her JJ will come around this time, and Kiara tells herself it’s for the best.

If JJ doesn’t want her in his life, she doesn’t need him in her’s.

✾✾✾

When JJ arrives at the Wreck the following day while she’s wiping down tables, Kiara ignores him. 

But he’s stubborn, and has a talent for disruptive and annoying behavior, so when he starts ringing the bell at the counter repeatedly and demanding to be served, she doesn’t have a choice.

She glances towards the kitchen, making sure her dad is preoccupied, and then tosses the dishrag over her shoulder and grabs JJ by the wrist, dragging him from the restaurant and into the parking lot.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She asks, whirling around to glare at him, not even bothering to be nice about it. 

JJ opens his mouth, as if realizing he hadn’t thought this through. “Look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry... for what I said,” he mumbled, fiddling with his the keys to his bike and not meeting her gaze. “It was out of line, and I know that.” 

Kiara rolls her eyes, the anger still hot and heavy in her chest. “It’s nothing you haven’t said to me before, JJ.”

He grabs her arm as she turns to go back inside, and she immediately jerks out of his grip, unable to stand the sudden skin-to-skin contact. He hadn’t touched her in months. She had tried not to let it bother her. “Hey, wait, ‘cmon Kie, I’m just trying to—“

“Don’t you _Kie_ me,” she snaps, shoving him in the chest, and he stumbles back a step. “I know I messed up, okay? And I tried to apologize to you weeks ago, but you didn’t want to hear it. And now what? I’m just supposed to forget all of the awful things you’ve said to me because _you_ decided we should be friends again?”

JJ has a lot of nerve, coming here. And she’s so _sick_ of his shit. Did he really think she would accept his crappy apology, that just because _he_ had decided he wanted to be friends again, she was supposed to run back to him with open arms? 

“I’m not the one that ditched Kie, that was all you,” he reminds her, but she refuses to flinch this time, even though the instinct is still there, the rush of guilt. “And you might have John B and Pope wrapped around your finger, but not me. I’m not buying your bullshit, not anymore.”

“God, JJ, listen to yourself!” She screams, throwing her hands into the air, all of the rage and pain she’d been burying for weeks rising to the surface. “I didn’t talk to you guys for a few months, get over it!”

She knows it’s more than that, but she’s still surprised when JJ’s lip curls and he starts shouting at her.

“You _left_!” He screams, and just like that, Kiara understands. “You left Pope, and you left John B, and you left _me_ Kie. And I’ve already had too many people abandon me. You were the last fucking one.”

It‘s silent after his confession, and Kiara can’t even be angry at him, because his hands are shaking and there are tears in his eyes, and JJ is looking at her as if she could kill him if she wanted to and he would just stand there and take it. 

“JJ,” she starts, but then she realizes she has no idea what to say to him, so she takes a step forward instead. 

JJ shakes his head, his entire body trembling. “Don’t, Kie, I swear—“

But she doesn’t stop, because she knows JJ, and she knows he doesn’t really want her to. “I’m sorry, okay?” She says, hoping that he’s willing to listen this time. “Really, I am. I never meant to abandon you, or John B. You guys are my family. Pogues for life. And I know I didn’t act like it before, but I get it now. And I promise, if you let me back in, I will never leave you again.”

It seems to be enough for JJ, and Kiara sighs in relief when he nods and looks at the ground, trying to pretend that there aren’t tears in his eyes. 

She thinks that’s it, but then he asks, “Why did you?”

“What?” She says, because she knows what he’s asking, but she isn’t prepared for this conversation. She hadn’t even told John B and Pope the truth behind her exile from Figure Eight. 

“Why’d you leave? I know your parents took you out of school, but that didn’t mean we had to stop being friends. So, why’d you do it?”

Kiara bit her lip, struggling to find the correct explanation. She couldn’t tell him about Sarah. It was too soon, and she didn’t want JJ knowing that the Kook Princess herself had been the one to break Kiara’s heart. “I don’t know how to explain it,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve always hated the Kooks, but when you’re surrounded by them all the time, it’s like they... pull you in. It’s so much easier than fighting them, ya know? And it made my parents happy, so I went along with it, and eventually it stopped being an act. But it doesn’t matter, because it’s like you said. They don’t want me.”

JJ cringed, and she knew he was remembering what he’d said to her. “Look, Kie, that’s not—“

“It’s okay,” she tells him, because it is, and she knows now why it took him so long to forgive her. He’d felt like she’d abandoned them, which she had, but John B and Pope didn’t have the same history that JJ did. And she’d known that— that JJ didn’t let people in, and when he did, it was because he trusted them to stay. “I know you didn’t mean it. Besides, I don’t want them either. I just want you guys— the Pogues.”

JJ jerks forward, wrapping his arms around her, and Kiara leans into him, resting her head on his chest. She breathes in the familiar smell of sunscreen and sweat, the hint of machine oil that means he was working at the mechanic’s shop earlier. It’s comforting, and she realizes how much she missed this. “I really am sorry, JJ,” she whispers into the fabric of his shirt. 

“I know,” he says, his voice thick with emotion as he buries his head in her shoulder. “So am I.”

✾✾✾

Once JJ forgives Kiara, it’s like she never left.

There’s still gaps, jokes she doesn’t understand or memories she wasn’t there for, but the Pogues always fill her in. And just like that, they’re a team again, united under the name John B coined and painted on the side of his boat. 

Her parents aren’t pleased. They don’t try and stop her from seeing the Pgoues, because Kiara’s happier than she’s been in months, but she knows that they wish she would just make up with Sarah and her other friends from school. None of them have spoken to her since the night of the party, the rumor that she’d called the cops (accurate, but lacking any actual proof) spreading like wildfire without Sarah to debunk it. It’s in those first weeks that Kiara realizes how much she’d relied on Sarah to defend her, a shield against the inherently cruel nature of the kids at the Kook Academy.

Once, it would have bothered her. Now, she wears her identity as a Pogue like armor. She has her boys back, and that’s all that matters. 

Still, there are days where it’s harder than usual for her to ignore the dirty looks and whispers. Kiara never retaliates, because her parents have sacrificed everything to get her to where she is, and she doesn’t want to jeopardize that. 

The Pogues can always tell when it’s been a particularly bad day. She’ll take extra shifts at the Wreck to distract herself, show up to the Chateau in a huff, have a little extra bite to her voice when she snaps at JJ for putting his feet on the counter. 

They all have different ways of making her feel better. John B always knows the right thing to say— he’ll wrap an arm around Kiara and tell her she’s his best friend, that she’s amazing, and then he’ll offer to punch the next Kook that looks at her funny. When she told him about the hate page the girls at school had made, him and the guys had spent an entire afternoon reporting it until it got taken down. Pope’s still not that good with the whole comforting thing, but he‘ll start a conversation with her about micro-plastics or dolphin conservation, and Kiara always finds herself distracted by the end of it, thoughts of mean girls forgotton.

JJ’s approach is different, a little less direct. He’ll suggest they throw a kegger at the Boneyard, or spend an afternoon surfing at the beach, because he knows she needs a distraction. One day, one of Sarah’s friends, a girl with a sleek blond ponytail and sharp smile, poured a smoothie on Kiara’s head in the lunchroom. She got off with a warning, because of course she did, and Kiara had to sit through a lecture from the school principal about instigating fights with her classmates. She was so pissed that she stormed out of the office without being excused and skipped her last two periods, driving to the Chateau and ignoring the seven missed calls from her parents. JJ was the only one there when she arrived, and when he saw the expression on Kiara’s face, he’d grabbed her by the hand and pulled her into a hammock, lighting a joint and handing it to her before she could even tell him what was wrong. 

They just laid there, arm to arm and skin to skin, one of Kiara’s legs draped over his, and when JJ had asked her what happened, Kiara just shrugged and told him not to worry about it. The weed was helping, and some of her initial tension had worn off, but she still felt like she might cry if she had to relive the experience of having a strawberry-banana smoothie dumped on her in the crowded cafeteria. And she didn’t want JJ to get angry; it would only make the situation worse.

She thought he would push it— John B would have— but he stayed quiet as they passed the joint between them. But JJ could never sit still for long, so he started flicking his lighter and tugging at the bracelets on his wrist. Kiara had given most of them to him as a peace offering, like the black one on his right arm that she’d tied on the day after they’d made up at the Wreck, threatening his life if he ever lost it. He hadn’t taken it off since. 

Eventually, JJ’s hands found their way to her hair, and he gave her a questioning look. She nodded, because JJ always asked before he did this. She didn’t know why, but he smiled whenever she said yes. 

She’d washed her hair in the bathroom, and had managed to get most of the smoothie out of it, but it had ruined the complicated set of braids and twists she’d arranged it in before school. She liked to tease JJ about his lack of braiding abilities, but the truth was that he wasn’t half bad at it, and by the time John B and Pope showed up, he’d worked her wet hair into two tight, neat braids. 

They didn’t question it— Kiara’s new hairstyle, or her and JJ lying in the hammock together, and she realized it was because this was normal for them. She knew none of the kids at school would believe it— JJ Maybank, best surfer on the Cut and poster child for the young and reckless, the same guy who’d probably punched half of the student body, getting high with Kiara in a hammock and braiding her hair. 

And despite herself, Kiara liked it. That she was the only one who got to see him like that, that there was a part of JJ that would always belong to just her. 

✾✾✾

If Kiara’s being honest, it was inevitable that one of the Pogues would make a move on her.

She knew they all had a thing for her, and it wasn’t like she didn’t play into it. Maybe that made it her fault, but she couldn’t help it. It was just too easy— to make John B dance with her at the Wreck after hours, wrap her arms around Pope when they were huddled around the fire at the Boneyard, roll her hips and bat her eyelashes at JJ whenever he tried flirting with her.

It was a game, though, that was all. None of them ever really meant it, because they were friends, and that’s what friends did, right? 

In hindsight, Kiara understood that this was a symptom of denial, because she knows how boys look at her, and it was stupid to think that the Pogues would be immune. 

Even so, she wouldn’t have thought JJ would be the one to take things a step further, but maybe that was just another example of how oblivious she was. Because yes, JJ was the one who flirted with her the most, but JJ flirted with _everyone_. 

Kiara despised the term _chick magnet,_ but in this case, nothing could be more accurate. Girls were like Pogues to JJ; he could reel them in by the dozen. It’s not like she doesn’t see _why_. JJ’s hot, with his beach-blonde hair and tan skin and blue eyes— and the fact that he seemed to have a strong aversion to wearing a shirt, which put the abs he’d gotten from surfing and mowing lawns on near-constant display. And yes, girls talk at school, so Kiara knows those quick hands and sharp mouth of his are good for more than just fishing and snapping back at Kooks.

She’s dancing with a group of Tourons at the Boneyard, tipsy from the shots of vodka her and the Pogues had downed while pregaming at the Chateau, and because people keep handing her beers. She knows there are quite a few boys and girls in the crowd who would be more than happy to take her home for the evening, and that she probably wouldn’t mind it if they did, but then she spots JJ sitting by the fire with some girl from the Kook Academy wrapped around him and she can’t resist beckoning him over and asking him to dance with her.

That’s how it starts: with JJ’s arms around her waist and her head on his shoulder, and yes, maybe she is grinding on him because she’s drunk and JJ’s good at this and she’s having _fun_. 

It ends with JJ kissing her, his lips sloppy and warm against hers, and Kiara doesn’t even have the time to comprehend that _wow, okay, that feels good,_ because JJ’s _kissing her_ and she’s shoving him away before she can do something really stupid. Like kiss him back, or pull him closer, and _god, Kie, where is your head at?_

JJ is staring at her with this dazed expression on his face, like he can’t quite believe that she’s real.

“What the fuck was that?” She asks, and she doesn’t mean for the question to come out as angry as it does, but her lips are still tingling and she kind of misses the feeling of his hands on her waist, and she just needs JJ to stop _looking_ at her like that. 

“You can’t just _do_ that,” she tells him, because she suddenly remembers John B and Pope, and how this could ruin everything. And she can’t lose them, not like this, not when she just got them back. 

“Pogues can’t mack on other Pogues.”

She says it without thinking, like it’s a rule, which it isn’t, but maybe it _should_ be. Because she doesn’t think she can be just friends with JJ if he does shit like that, and she knows it’s just another part of the game to him, but it felt a little too real. 

JJ laughs and shrugs it off like it’s a joke, because _of course it is_ , she doesn’t know why she expected anything different. 

It’s her fault, she thinks, for sending mixed signals. _But were they really mixed?_ Says that voice in the back of her brain, the one Kiara can’t seem to ignore. _You were kind of asking for it, weren’t you?_

She never mentions it again. Because it’s far simpler to leave it as a drunken mistake, and she doesn’t know how to be around a JJ that’s kissed her, not when she still thinks about how it had felt to have his lips on hers. 

So, it’s easier to pretend that nothing happened at all.

✾✾✾

JJ seems just as eager to move on from the kiss as Kiara is. In fact, he doesn’t even mention it to the other Pogues, which is unusual, because JJ normally brags about his conquests until John B threatens to drown him or Kie throws fries at his face. 

She tells herself it’s better this way, because he doesn’t flinch when she touches him, and there isn’t any of that awkward, will-they-won’t-they tension that would typically follow kissing one of your best friends. He still flirts with her at every chance he gets, rests his hands on her hips when they’re dancing on the HMS and plays with her hair when they’re lying in the hammock at the Chateau. It’s easy, far easier than if she had kissed Pope or John B, because it’s JJ, and that’s just how he is.

No Pogue on Pogue macking is now a rule, and while Kiara tells herself it’s because she wants to prevent the other boys from kissing her, it’s also a reminder to herself. 

Because sometimes, she remembers how it had felt to kiss JJ, and she wants to do it again. 

✾✾✾

Kiara has always referred to the Pogues as her boys.

Because that’s what they are, they’re _hers_ , and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She knows that some people find it odd, one girl and three boys, but the truth is that Kiara has never connected with girls her age. Sarah Cameron was the exception, and they’d all seen how that turned out.

Girls were vindictive, and cruel, and they held grudges. But the Pogues were simple, and she loves that about them. 

She loves Pope, with his encyclopedia of a brain and constant ramblings about corpses and inability to handle emotions. She loves JJ, with his flirting and teasing and that carefree smile he only ever lets her and Pogues see. She loves John B, with his big heart and ability to always see the best in them. He was the glue that held the Pogues together, and they all knew it too. 

Her friends had forgiven her for abandoning them ages ago, John B had forgiven her, and yet Kiara still feels guilty. 

It’s why she insists that Big John is coming back, even when Pope and JJ give her that _look_. It’s entirely hypocritical— they want to believe it as much as she does, because when John B wants something, it’s impossible not to want it too. 

It doesn’t help that ever since Big John went missing, it’s felt like only a matter of time until they lose John B as well. It can’t last forever: the parties at the Boneyard and being chased by security guards and the lack of parental supervision. But John B prefers to ignore it, even when the DCS notice shows up at his door.

Kiara tries not to involve herself in this part of the boy’s lives. The gritty part, the one she could never truly understand. Because Kiara might be a Pogue, but as JJ likes to remind her, her bank account reads Kook, and her house is larger than all of the boy’s houses combined. And it’s not just the money. She has two parents that love her, and even though Pope’s parents support and care for him, she knows John B and JJ aren’t so lucky. 

Still, she doesn’t understand why John B is being so damn _reckless_. That’s JJ’s thing, not his. And yet suddenly, he’s surfing the surge during a hurricane and hunting for buried treasure. Under normal circumstances, Kiara might be willing to go along with all of this, but he’s still being investigated by the DCS and she knows that a trip to the police station or the hospital is a one way ticket straight to foster care.

John B gets a break from Peterkin, and Kiara thinks that they might be okay, but then there’s two guys chasing them through the marsh while _shooting_ at them, and the only reason they get away is because Kiara is smart enough to throw the net into their engine. 

She knows it should scare her more than it does, but it’s like JJ says _this is Pogue life_ , and it’s a little too easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all when they’re laughing as they leave the shooter’s behind them, or when John B pulls his dad’s compass from the bag they found on Scooter’s boat. 

After that, Kiara recognizes that there’s no way he’s going to give this up now, because if John B is one thing he’s loyal, and he’s not going to forget about what might have been his father’s final message to him. 

✾✾✾

Kiara declared war on the patriarchy years ago, but sometimes she forgets how much it penetrates her own life, because kissing John B on the cheek, and telling him to be careful before breaking into a motel room or diving on a quarter tank of air, or holding hands with him when they’re hiding in the rooster shed because two guys are trying to _kill them_ , shouldn’t have to _mean_ anything. It’s just what friends do. 

But it must mean something to him, because he kisses her a few hours later while they’re running from the cops.

It’s not like she _minds_ , because he’s still freaked out about his dad and high on adrenaline, and she doesn’t want things to be weird between them. 

It’s strange, but when Kiara reminds him of the rule, _no Pogue on Pogue macking,_ she can’t keep herself from thinking about JJ. 

They move on, because of course they do, and John B sounds so sorry about the kiss that it doesn’t even feel right to tease him about it. 

And maybe it makes her a terrible person, but Kiara can’t help but compare it to how it had felt when JJ kissed her. This was unprovoked, at least she _thinks_ it was, and she wasn’t drunk and John B was panicking so maybe the odds are unfair, but there still wasn’t that _spark_ that had ignited in her chest that night at the Boneyard.

It was different, kissing JJ, and she doesn’t know what that means, but it means _something_. 

Maybe that’s why when she brings up the kiss with John B when they’re surfing at Rixon’s Cove, she can’t help but ask him if he told JJ about it. 

It might be a dead giveaway to some people, but John B’s relatively oblivious when it comes to shit like this, so he just shrugs and says he had to.

Kiara has no idea why it bothers her, but it _does_. God, she needs to get over this.

“Why do you ask?” He says, and there’s enough curiosity in his voice that she knows she has to abort.

“I was just wondering,” she tells him, staring down at her board and shaking her head. “It’s not...”

She trails off after that, because she doesn’t know _what_ it is.

If she knew, her life would be a whole lot simpler.

✾✾✾

Kiara knows it’s stupid, but sometimes it feels like she still has something to prove to the Pogues.

She tries not to let those thoughts get to her, but there are moments where she can’t help it. She hadn’t grown up with them, and she doesn’t live on the Cut. She’s not even a real Pogue— she’s a Kook. 

And honestly, what does she even bring to the group? Free food at the Wreck and the ability to pass the Bechdel test? Pope’s the brains of the operation, has a thousand connections in the Outer Banks thanks to his dad’s business. JJ is the same, because the name Maybank is well-known on the Cut, and he may be reckless but he’s good on his feet and always knows how to get them out of a tricky situation. John B’s the glue that holds them all together, their leader, hell, they all practically live at his house. So, yes, there are moments where Kiara wonders why they need her. 

It’s the reason she stays even after it’s clear two guys want to kill them, why she volunteers to go into the Redfield tomb and lies to a security guard so that they can steal a drone from the salvage yard. 

Because JJ’s right, she doesn’t need the money, but she’ll be damned if they do this without her. 

✾✾✾

From the moment JJ pulls the gun from his pocket on the HMS Pogue, Kiara knows it’s not going to end well.

JJ’s explosive enough on his own, he doesn’t need _actual_ ammunition. 

She’s right, of course, because less than five hours later, Topper’s about to drown John B and JJ presses the gun to his head and then Sarah Cameron is screaming at Kiara to _check her pyscho friend please._

As if Kiara can actually control JJ, or John B, for that matter. He certainly didn’t listen to her about the gun when he fires it into the air, and Kiara’s so mad that she could just _scream_. 

Because it’s so goddamn _stupid_ , and if anyone reports it to the cops (which they will, because you don’t just get to hold a gun to a Kook’s head without consequences), then John B will be off to foster care, and she doesn’t even want to think about what could happen to JJ.

He doesn’t seem to care, but then again JJ’s sense of self preservation has always been lacking. She can’t blame him for wanting to go after the gold though, because that shit could change his life. Four hundred million dollars is a lot of money for even Kiara to wrap her head around, but she knows that for JJ it’s something more. The hunt for the gold isn’t a fun activity to do on the weekends with his friends, it’s his future, his ticket out.

“I’m never visiting,” she says when they’re sitting on the dock, discussing what they’d do with their share of the gold if they ever actually manage to find it, and JJ tells her and Pope that he would buy a mansion on Figure Eight and go full Kook.

It’s a lie, and she knows it. Kiara would follow JJ anywhere, she’d follow the _Pogues_ anywhere, and that’s never going to change.

✾✾✾

Kiara knows her parents don’t like her friends, that they think the time she spends on the Cut undermines all of the hard work they’ve done to rise in Kook society, to give her a future, but she can’t bring herself to care.

Because it’s like she tells her dad, the Pogues are her friends, and that means something. They like her for who she is, not because she has a nice house or an expensive pair of shoes. Her family could lose everything, and the Pogues would still stand by her. Could her parents honestly say the same about their supposed _friends_ on Figure Eight? 

The flip side to that kind of loyalty is that it can get you into trouble. 

When Rafe Cameron walks up to her at the movie screening, acting like their old friends, Kiara feels an immediate sense of dread.

She’s never liked Rafe. He always gave her the creeps, and she’d had plenty of time to get to know him since she’d spent an entire summer at the Cameron’s pool. She’d tolerated him— laughed at his jokes, let him flirt with her— because it was easier than the alternative. Rafe was a Cameron, and he didn’t respond very well to the word no. 

So, when he says, _tell your boy I know what he did,_ she knows that it can’t be good.

She assumes he meant JJ, because it normally is, but Pope looks as if he’s about to shit himself, and Topper and Rafe are watching them like they’re sharks and Kiara and JJ and Pope are a group of very tasty, very vulnerable baby seals.

They’re talking about _death squads_ and _staying in the group_ , and Kiara doesn’t even want to know what those two idiots have done this time. Messing with Topper and Rafe? Now? Seriously, couldn’t they just have one _normal_ day? 

But then JJ holds up his backpack and gives Pope a meaningful look, and Kiara doesn’t know what’s more infuriating: that he brought a _gun_ to a family event with _kids_ , or that he thinks she’s stupid enough to believe him when he tells her to relax and that everything will be fine.

Of course, it’s not fine, because it involves JJ, and it turns out that his measure of what classifies as _fine_ is very different from hers.

JJ and Pope never return from their bathroom break, and at first Kiara thought it was weird that they left together, but then she notices that Rafe and Topper have disappeared from their seats, and she understands.

She finds Topper with his hands around Pope’s throat, and Kelce is holding JJ while Rafe punches him over and over and over again. Kiara goes for Topper, yelling at him to let Pope go, because his eyes are bulging and he’s gasping for air, but then Rafe‘s arms are around her waist and he’s dragging her away. 

She automatically recoils at his touch, screaming at him to let her go as he throws her to the ground and tells her to stay out of it. But she can’t, because no matter what JJ and Pope did, she’s not just going to _leave_ them. It’s a standing rule: no Pogue left behind. 

She grabs JJ’s backpack, and her hand brushes against the cool metal barrel of the gun, and for a moment she considers it. But she’s not JJ, and she’s not stupid. 

She grabs the lighter instead, the one with JJ’s initials scratched into the side. 

The movie screen burns quicker than she thought it would, and Kiara screams at Kelce to let go of JJ as the crowd starts to panic, and just like that, it’s over. 

✾✾✾

_I told you. You hang out with trash, you get dirty._

Those are the words Kiara’s dad says to her when she gets in the car after they bail John B out of jail, and it takes all of her self-restraint not to disagree with him.

She’s always despised the way the Kooks, even her parents, talk about her friends. _Trash_ is one of the nicer words used to describe boys from the Cut, and she knows that JJ and John B and Pope have heard far worse.

It’s engrained in their psyches, and she hates it. It’s why Pogue pride is so important to them, why they never hesitate to start a fight with a Kook. Because deep down, she knows there’s a part of them that believes every awful, cruel thing anyone’s ever said to them.

Kiara might not be from the Cut, but she hears all the same insults, and she understands more than the boys give her credit for.

She understands when JJ takes the fall for Pope, after Shoupe shows up at Heyward’s to _arrest_ him for sinking Topper’s boat. Because that’s who JJ is, and she has never understood why more people don’t see that. Hell, even Pope seems surprised. 

It’s not like she wants Pope to get arrested either, but it’s the way JJ talks about himself that makes her want to hit something, when he bites his broken lip and stares Shoupe right in the eye and says, “You know where I’m from.”

And Shoupe nods, like that‘s all he needs to hear, and JJ smirks and shakes his head, because he had known those words would do the trick. But Kiara still sees the flicker of pain in his eyes, knows this is just one more invisible cut, another moment where someone proved to JJ that all he would ever be seen as was Luke Maybank’s worthless, going-nowhere son. 

She hates everything about it— the defeated expression on JJ’s face when he looks at her as Shoupe snaps the handcuffs on his wrists, the sight of him being shoved into the car as the door slams shut behind him. 

Pope throws his hat onto the ground as the police car drives away with JJ inside of it, but Kiara knows that won’t help.

JJ’s gone, and the worst part is that he did it to himself.

✾✾✾

Kiara asks her parents to bail JJ out, like they did with John B.

They say no.

When she asks them why, they don’t give her a straight answer, but she knows what they’re not saying. 

JJ’s a Maybank, and you don’t associate with that family if you want to belong on Figure Eight. It’s just that simple. 

✾✾✾

If abandoning JJ is the price for fitting in with the Kooks, Kiara will happily return her membership.

But a ticket to Kooklandia is non-refundable. Once you’re in, you’re in for life.

She’s reminded of this as she stands in front of the mirror in full Kook garb, cringing at her reflection.

The dress itself isn’t the problem. She _likes_ the dress. It’s a pretty color, and it’s tailored to hug her curves perfectly. And fine, the flowers in her hair are pretty, she feels like Rihanna on the cover of Vogue. (Yes, she reads Vogue, but only for Rihanna. Sue her.)

The problem is what the dress is _for_. 

Midsummers. The epitome of Kookness, a party where rich, well-to-do families show off their teenage daughters to perspective suitors and gossip over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, while people on the Cut are still without running water or electricity. It’s horrible, and she doesn’t know why parents support it.

Well, she does know, actually. Because _it’s the Island Club, Kiara_ and _put on a good face for one night, Kiara_ and _just have fun, Kiara._

 _How am I supposed to go to a party and have fun when one of my best friends is stuck in a jail cell?_ She wants to ask, even though she knows it won’t get her anywhere. 

They’ve already had this argument, and she has her parents answer. 

✾✾✾

Kiara hates Midsummers for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that it’s harder to pretend that she doesn’t come from Kooks when she’s surrounded by them.

What’s worse is that with the dress her mother bought her, she fits right in with all the Sarah Cameron’s of the world, and that is really _not_ what she needs right now. 

It’s sick, is what it is. That all these rich, entitled families are complaining about how _hard_ it’s been since the hurricane, while half of the island is still without power. But why would they care? 

It’s a relief when she spots Pope shucking oysters, and Kiara ignores her mother’s attempts to draw her into conversation with the respectable members of society, faking a posh British accent as she approaches him.

It’s nice for a moment, laughing over Pope’s terrible attempt at copying her accent and commenting on the fact that they’re literally _surrounded_ by Kooks. 

“We’re in the lion’s den,” she says, and then, despite her attempts not to, she thinks of JJ. It’s something he would say. The truth was that any one of the Kooks in attendance tonight could pay JJ’s bail, hell they probably spent double that outfitting themselves for the evening, but that was about as likely as Kiara becoming a member of high society. 

Pope, apparently, couldn’t stop thinking about JJ either. 

“Hey, have you heard from JJ?” He asks, obviously trying to sound casual, as if their friend wasn’t arrested yesterday.

Kiara hasn’t, and she’s trying not to worry about it, so she says, “No. He’ll be alright; you know he’s got the survival instincts of a cockroach.”

It’s what she’s been telling herself all day. 

JJ will be fine. Because he always is. The alternative isn’t an option. 

✾✾✾

The next time Kiara sees JJ, he almost runs into her as a security guard shoves him through the crowd at Midsummers. 

She hears his voice before she sees him, and honestly the reason it takes her a second to recognize him is because he’s wearing a suit and tie, and she doesn’t think she’s ever even seen him in jeans, let alone full Kookwear.

He doesn’t notice her. Maybe it’s the dress, or the fact that the security guard is holding JJ’s hands behind his back, and he’s busy using that smart mouth of his to get out of whatever situation he’s gotten himself into now.

Honestly, how did he even _get here?_

He comes within inches of her, and Kiara holds out an hand, both to prevent him from hitting her and to get his attention, but then the guard is shoving him away again.

It’s like watching a trainwreck and not being able to do anything to stop it. The guard is pushing him, and JJ keeps saying he can just _walk by himself,_ and then he’s downing a guest’s drink in a single go.

He looks fine, except for the fact that his face is covered in bruises, and that he’s being _escorted from the premises_. She has no idea how he managed to make bail, but if JJ gets caught posing as a waiter and sneaking into the club, Kiara knows it’s likely a straight ticket back to jail.

She won’t let that happen, and honestly, Kiara can’t stand another second of this. They’re acting like he’s trash that needs to be thrown out on the street, and that guard’s grip looks hard enough to bruise, and she’s just so _sick_ of everyone treating her friends like shit.

Because JJ’s a better person that most of the people at this goddamn party, and they don’t even care because his bank account doesn’t break the one million mark.

“Let go of him!” She screams, her anger hot and tight in her chest. “You can’t just boot him!”

It’s the same feeling Kiara gets when she watches documentaries on dead coral reefs or deforestation. That something’s not _right_ , and she needs to do something to fix it. Her parents rush to her side, whispering for her to be quiet, scared she’ll ruin their reputation, but Kiara doesn’t care. 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” The security guard asks, pausing for a second, obviously confused. 

JJ’s finally noticed her, and he’s staring at her with this unreadable expression on his face. She kind of hates how surprised he looks, as if he can’t believe she’s standing up for him like this. 

“I _invited_ him here,” she says, ignoring her mother hissing in her ear to _stop this._ “I’m a _member_ of this club—“

It’s the distraction JJ needs to escape the man’s grip, shoving him into the crowd and sprinting towards the beach. 

“Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie,” he shouts, pointing at her. “Pope, you as well, all right?”

Kiara hesitates, because her mother will literally kill her if she leaves Midsummers with JJ Maybanks, and her parents hate her friends enough as is. This will certainly tip them over the edge.

JJ must have noticed that she wasn’t following him, because he turned towards her. “All right, Kie, come on,” he calls, clamping a hand around his wrist and raising his fist into the air. “Workers of the world unite. Throw off your chains!”

It’s the kind of thing she’s said to him a thousand times, and Kiara can’t help the laugh that escapes her.

She shouldn’t leave, she _really_ shouldn’t, and her dad is telling her that she _can’t hang around these kids anymore_ , but JJ’s screaming at her to come with him and talking about worker’s rights in a crowd full of Kooks, and she’s already made up her mind.

“I’m sorry!” She says, tugging her wrist out of her mother’s grip, running down the stairs and onto the grass.

Their escape is a blur of shrieking guests and twinkling golden lights, the silk of Kiara’s dress crumpled in her hands as she lift her skirt to keep herself from tripping, John B appearing from the shadows, grinning from ear to ear. 

Her parents are still screaming at her, and Heyward looks like he’s about to murder Pope, but JJ’s shouting her name, a grin spreading across his face as she runs towards him.

He opens his arms for her, and Kiara launches herself into them, wrapping her arms around his neck and laughing as he spins her around. 

He’s still holding her hand as they run towards the beach, and Kiara’s never felt more free.

✾✾✾

The first time John B mentions Sarah Cameron’s name, they’re sitting around the fire at Rixon’s Cove, and Kiara does a literal double take.

Because there’s no way her friend is that _stupid_. She’s never discussed the details of their falling out at the end of their freshmen year, but all of the Pogues know how much Kiara hates Sarah Cameron. And she’s a _Kook_ , for God’s sake. She’s a walking symbol of everything John B and the Pogues hate, why the hell would he involve _her_?

Of course, she knows the answer to that. Sarah might be a Kook, but she’s also a girl, and according to JJ, John B is _macking_ on her. 

Kiara typically takes any information JJ gives her with a grain of salt, but she actually believes him this time. Because she _knows_ Sarah, and she knows how easy it is to fall in love with the magic that seems to surround her. To fall in love with _her_ , and then have the rug pulled out from beneath your feet. 

She’s not going to let that happen to John B, not if she can help it.

“Look, you don’t know her yet,” she tells him, trying to make him see reason. “I do! You can’t trust her.”

“Her brother did hit me in the back with a golf club,” Pope adds, and while she appreciates the help, thinking about Rafe is not what Kiara needs to remain calm.

“Rafe and Sarah are two different human beings,” John B argues, and while Kiara might be inclined to agree with him, she can’t get past the fact that he’s _defending_ her.

“What did she do to you, exactly?” JJ asks, glancing at her, and she can’t help but notice that the fire makes the bruises on his face look darker, more pronounced. 

Kiara needs to ask about that, but right now, all she can see is Sarah. It’s like a rerun of her entire freshmen year is on a loop in her head: Sarah and her saving baby sea turtles at the beach, stealing beers from her dad’s fridge and star-gazing on the roof, and then Kiara sitting on her bed, crying as she watched her best friend blow out her birthday candles through her phone screen. 

“Listen to me!” She says, because it’s difficult to articulate how much she hates Sarah Cameron, and Kiara doesn’t understand why she even has to convince the Pogues of this in the first place. “Whatever we get, she’s gonna try to take.” 

John B brushes her off, because of course he does, and even though he promises her nothing is happening between him and Sarah, she’s inclined to agree with JJ on this one.

Then, Sarah is screaming for help as she cradles John B’s body in her arms, pressing a kiss to his lips, but Kiara can’t even be mad at him because he could be _dead_. 

She turns to JJ while Pope runs to get help, sees that the look of panic on his face is identical to her own, knows that they’re both thinking the same thing. 

They can’t lose John B, not now. Not ever. 

✾✾✾

The night they spend in the hospital waiting room is the longest night of Kiara’s life. 

Pope can’t sit still, bouncing his leg and constantly asking the doctors for news. JJ is quiet for once, staring at the door that John B vanished behind however many hours ago, strapped to a gurney and still unconscious, as if he can keep his best friend alive by sheer force of will alone.

He holds her hand when Kiara starts shaking, stands outside the bathroom door while she changes into a pair of John B’s sweatpants and an old sweatshirt of JJ’s they found in the back of the van. While she splashes cold water on her face, rips the flowers from her hair, and tries to stop herself from hyperventilating. 

“Kie, you okay?” He asks, knocking on the stall door, not even trying to hide the concern in his voice.

Kiara says she’s fine. They both know it’s a lie, but JJ doesn’t question her on it.  
  
She tends to the bruises on his face with the supplies she stole from a nurses station, ignoring the fact that every time his skin brushes against hers it makes her heart race. 

It’s not the time, but she can’t help but think that it didn’t feel like that when she kissed John B. 

She doesn’t quite know what to do with that, with him. 

So, Kiara holds JJ’s hand and rests her head on his shoulder. They pretend that everything’s fine, that this is normal. It’s the only way to get through it, she thinks. 

She tells herself that she’s going to figure it all out, eventually, once the world stops spinning.

✾✾✾

If there’s one thing Kiara believes in, it’s bad karma. 

Her inability to be angry at John B lasts for about twenty-four hours, while she and Pope and JJ are sitting in the hospital and she still thinks that he might be dead.

Thankfully, it’s gone when they’re at the Wreck a few days later, and he tells her that he’s staying at Tannyhill with Sarah _fucking_ Cameron.

Kiara doesn’t understand. Why can’t John B see that Sarah is the reason he almost just _died_? Topper didn’t push him from the Hawk’s Nest because he was a Pogue, he did it because John B was macking on his girlfriend.

She doesn’t care about his bullshit excuses, what she cares about is that he lied to her, to _all_ of them, when he promised that nothing was happening between him and Sarah.

It hurts more than she wants it to. JJ thinks she’s just jealous, at least that’s what he said when he showed up at the Wreck and listened to her rant about Sarah and John B while they shared a plate of fries. She doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s more than that. 

“Another dead end?” Kiara asks when they’re standing in the basement of the Crain House, already on edge from JJ’s ghost stories. 

It’s like she said. Bad karma. 

“You know why we didn’t find it?” She says, glaring at John B and batting a mosquito away from her face. “Bad karma. You know, we had a good thing going. And then you decide to rope in Barbie, and now the trail’s gone dry. Coincidence? Probably not.”

John B just rolls his eyes. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you about Sarah. What’s the deal? What’s going on with you two? Huh?”

“Nothing!” She snaps, because it’s the truth, and she shouldn’t have to explain it to him.

“Nothing?” He repeats, scoffing at her, his face inches from her own. “Is it because I kissed you? Is that the problem?”

Kiara doesn’t mean to slap him, but she doesn’t regret it one bit.

He doesn’t get to pull that card with her. Not now, not ever. 

The sound echoes, as JJ points out, and she can hear him and Pope gasping and whispering in the corner. 

“Stop treating me like I’m some girl that’s _obsessed_ with you,” she says, because she’s had enough of John B’s shit. “Instead of your best friend who’s actually trying to look out for you.”

“Did you, uh... hit me?” He asks, ignoring her as he rubs at his cheek. _Please_ , it’s not even red. If she’d wanted it to hurt, it would have.

“Skeeter,” she says, holding up a hand to reveal the squashed bug on her palm.

John B just nods, and then before she can blink, he’s slapping her across the face. 

“Oh, hey, alright _no_ ,” JJ snaps, sounding far more serious that she would have expected him to. 

It barely stings, and she’s all for the literal hit against gender norms. Kiara’s honestly surprised he had the guts to do it.

It’s explained a moment later, when he shows her the dead mosquito on his own hand, and Kiara’s anger starts to fade.

They start hitting each other again, but they’re both laughing now, and she thinks they might actually be okay.

Then John B brings Sarah to the Chateau, and she remembers that he’s an _idiot_.

The gold is their thing, it’s a _Pogue_ thing, and just like Pope says, it’s uncomfortable, it’s not _right_. 

Kiara had warned John B about Sarah a thousand times, she’d made it clear she wasn’t doing this with her, but apparently he had ignored that too. 

It’s when Sarah turns to John B and says _I told you,_ like they’re in on some secret, that Kiara decides she’s had enough.

“Told him, what, exactly?” She asks, addressing Sarah for the first time since she walked through the door. “That you’re a liar?”

“No, that you’re a shit-talking bitch, Kiara,” Sarah snaps, and Kiara scoffs, rolling her eyes. Of course, she’s playing the victim, like always. 

“Oh, yeah? When have I lied to you?” She asks, her voice rising in volume, the desire to slap Sarah in the face growing by the second. “Have you ever, you know, gotten someone close to you, for like a year and then turn your back on them—“

“I didn’t lie about _shit_ —“

Sarah is obviously just as eager for a fight as she is, and she knows it’s because they never really had one to begin with. There was no argument, no huge blow-up. Sarah cut her out of her life, and that was that. Because whatever the Princess wants, she gets. 

“Kie, you are my best friend, right?” John B asks her after he tells them to shut up, and she gives a reluctant nod. “And Sarah, you’re my...” 

He trails off, biting his lip, but Sarah smiles at him and tells him to _say it,_ and then he calls her his _girlfriend_. 

Kiara is going to vomit. She’s literally going to be sick, and she’s torn between laughing and punching John B in the face. 

She tells him to cut the bullshit, that it’s Sarah or her, and she doesn’t know _why_ , but she expects him to choose her. 

But he just shakes his head and says, “Kie, I’m not doing this right now, I can’t—“

“You _are_ gonna decide!” She screams, telling herself that the pit in her stomach is from anger, not because she’s hurt. “I’m very interested, actually. Me or her?”

“Both.”

It’s a stupid answer, and maybe Sarah’s okay with it, but Kiara’s not John B’s girlfriend. She doesn’t have to put up with his shit. They’re supposed to be best friends, they’re supposed to be _Pogues For Life_ , but apparently Sarah Cameron is more important than all of that.

She meant what she said. It’s Sarah or her, and if John B chooses wrong, that’s on him.

✾✾✾

It’s not JJ who finds her crying at the end of the dock this time, it’s Pope.

He’s being his usual weird self, but then he puts an arm around her, and it just feels _wrong_. 

She wonders where JJ is. Obviously, not here. Maybe he chose John B instead, not that she would blame him. They’ve been friends since the third grade. 

She tells Pope the truth about her and Sarah, because she’s so tired of keeping it a secret, and it’s not like it matters anyway.

She’s seen the movie, she knows how it ends.

Kiara’s not the kind of person who gets picked first, and she was fine with that, as long as she knew that the Pogues would choose her over any Kook, even Sarah Cameron.

She had still thought that was true this morning, and even though Pope says he’d pick her first... she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to trust that anymore. 

✾✾✾

It turns out, Kiara can’t trust anyone.

Not John B, or JJ, or even Pope. She thought that since she spilled her guts to him on the dock _he_ would at least be on her side. 

Boys are idiots, and she knew this, but she honestly didn’t think any of them had the guts to trap her and Sarah on a boat in the middle of the marsh and _drive away_ , so that shows you what she knows. 

It’s some serious patriarchal bullshit, but infuriatingly enough, it also happens to work. 

It’s mostly the weed, she thinks. Sarah was right about one thing: God bless JJ and his creepy, ex-convict of a cousin. 

“You still love us though, right?” He asks when he throws Kiara the rope, his smile far too smug for her liking. 

Kiara scoffs and rolls her eyes. The answer is yes, but like hell she’s going to give him the satisfaction. 

✾✾✾

After they had stolen the drone from the salvage yard, when they were lying in the hammocks at the Chateau, her and JJ’s legs intertwined as he smoked a joint and Kiara strummed the strings of her ukulele, Pope had asked John B if he really believed that the gold was out there.

John B had said yes, because of course he had, but in that moment, she had believed it too.

Maybe not in a serious, _we’re going to be rich way_ , but in a _I believe in us_ sort of way. Kiara believed in the Pogues, she believed in John B, so she hypothetically believed that they could find the gold. It was that simple.

“Even _JJ_ believes,” she’d said, giving an exaggerated gasp, laughing when he leaned his head back, his legs brushing against hers as he shifted, and said he would dream of ship wrecks.

That being said, Kiara hadn’t thought they would actually find it. But by some miracle, a plan of their’s had actually worked for once. 

Sure, her and Sarah are almost stabbed by an old lady wielding a fire poker, and she precedes to shoot at them all with a rifle, and John B is covered in something that smells like shit, but they’ve _found the gold._  
  
Kiara’s throat is hoarse from screaming by the time they get back to the Chateau, spilling out of the van and laughing as they take turns passing around the bar of gold. 

John B and Sarah are all over each other, but Kiara doesn’t even mind as she wraps her arms around Pope and JJ.

In that moment, it feels like they’re invincible, like nothing could possibly go wrong.

That energy carries into the next day, even as JJ is giving Kiara shit for her welding job, or when he’s making a fool of himself at the pawn shop. 

But they’re Pogues, and nothing ever goes right for them.

Normally, she would make a comment about bad karma, but when they’re lying in the dirt on the side of the road and a guy has a gun pointed at JJ’s head, Kiara is shaking so hard that she couldn’t speak even if she wanted to.

A part of her gets that this isn’t normal, that this is what her parents warned her about. 

She understands why JJ’s so pissed, she does, but that doesn’t mean his plan of stealing from a _drug dealer_ is a good one.

In fact, it’s a _terrible_ one, and she doesn’t get why JJ doesn’t see that. Kiara’s sick of it— of him thinking he has to do everything alone, of the recklessness that always gets them into trouble, of _worrying_ about him all the god damn time. 

Pope is right, JJ’s an independent variable, and it’s not what they need right now.

But it doesn’t mean she wanted him to _leave_ , and Kiara knows he doesn’t want to either, which just makes it hurt more when he walks away.

She tells herself that he’ll come back. He always does.

✾✾✾

“You’ll think he’ll go home?”

She asks John B that when they’re all at the Wreck after leaving Barry’s, when her anger at JJ has faded and she’s starting to worry. She’s not as oblivious at JJ thinks she is. She knows the bruises that he gets aren’t always from a showdown with the Kooks, that the split lip and swollen cheek he was sporting at Midsummers wasn’t Shoupe’s doing.

They should have tried harder to make him stay. _She_ should have tried harder. Kiara often lets herself forget that JJ’s bravado is just a front, mostly because she isn’t sure if she can handle acknowledging what’s buried underneath.

It’s Pope who answers her. “There’s about a zero percent chance that JJ goes home.”

He’s supposed to be the smart one, and he’s always been good at telling them the odds, and Kiara wants to believe him.

She really, _really_ wants to believe him. 

She doesn’t know why she doesn’t.

✾✾✾

Kiara wanted to be wrong, she really did. 

But the problem is that she knows JJ a little too well— and she knows that above all, he hates being alone.

When she and Pope find him in the hot tub, Kiara honestly doesn’t know what to think. 

It’s a typical JJ move— reckless, idiotic. But this... it feels dangerous too, like he’s teetering on the edge of a cliff, and Kiara has no idea how to pull him back to safety. 

And she’s angry, because she spent all day worrying about him while he was out spending the money he’d stolen from Barry on a hot tub and champagne. 

But then he stands up, revealing the gruesome pattern of red and purple welts covering his skin, and she understands. 

JJ’s still shouting at her and Pope, about how he did this for them, and that they’re his _family_ , but all Kiara can see are the bruises on his chest and the tears in his eyes. 

“JJ, what the hell?” She asks, fighting the sudden urge to be sick, her stomach roiling at the thought of how hard someone would have to hit him to leave bruises like that. 

“I got this for you!” He screams, as if that makes it okay, but Pope is shaking his head and Kiara says JJ’s name again, her eyes burning with unshed tears. “Guys, look what I did for you, all right? Look at this!“

When JJ notices that she’s crying, he shakes his head at her, water spraying from the ends of his hair. “No, you stop being emotional, it’s fine, okay? I mean it’s sweet, right? Everything. Let’s just get in—“

But his hands are shaking, and she can he’s one word away from breaking, and Kiara is so sick of JJ pretending that everything’s fine that she climbs into the hot tub fully clothed and throws her arms around his neck. 

The effect is immediate— a cry rips from JJ’s throat, and Kiara tightens her grip, her eyes burning as she struggles to hold back tears. 

“I was gonna do it!” JJ cried, and her heart clenched at the raw pain in his voice as he buried his head in her shoulder and started to sob. His hands curled limply around her waist, as if he didn’t even have enough energy to hold onto her, and as another whimper escaped him Kiara pulled him closer. She was careful not to squeeze too hard or touch his bruises, but if her embrace was causing him any pain JJ didn’t seem to care. 

“I can’t take him anymore!” He sobbed, and then his hands wrapped around her waist, and Kiara feels her body dip at the brunt of his weight hits her.

She doesn’t let go, though, the thought of removing herself from JJ’s arms suddenly unbearable. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands— she runs them over his shoulders, his skin damp and warm against hers despite the fact that he’s trembling. His face is still pressed into the crook of her neck, and she can feel his tears against her skin, how unsteady his breathing is.

“I was gonna kill him,” he says, the words quiet enough that only she can hear them, and that’s when Kiara’s heart shatters. Because she had _known_ , they all had, but they’d done absolutely nothing to stop it. 

JJ flinches in her arms, and she recognizes the tide of self-hatred that’s overwhelming him, making him want to distance himself from her. From everyone. 

But JJ’s been dealing with his all by himself for too long, and she’s tired of watching him walk away from her, so Kiara strokes his back in what she hopes is a soothing gesture and threads her fingers through his hair. It’s something she’s thought about doing a thousand times, to see if those blonde curls were as soft as they looked, but she’d never imagined it would be like this. 

Because JJ’s still sobbing in her arms, and all Kiara can think about it is that subconsciously or not, she’d know Luke Maybank was abusing his son, and she’d done _nothing_. 

To be fair, JJ had done everything he possibly could to hide it from them. The practiced excuses about fighting with the Kooks, the jokes and teasing remarks that were an inherent part of his personality. Taking JJ seriously was a difficult task, and she now recognized it as a defense mechanism, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior. 

The bruises, the ease at with he took a punch, the comments about his dad that JJ sometimes let slip... she’d missed all the signs, and she hated herself for it. 

“I just want to do the right thing,” JJ whimpered, and Kiara didn’t think it was even possible for her heart to break anymore, but it does in that moment. 

“I know, I know,” she whispers over and over again, because she doesn’t know what else to do. JJ’s hugging her now, tighter than he was before, as if he needs her to hold him together. Some part of her recognizes that she’s crying too, but it doesn’t matter— what matters is JJ. 

Eventually, Pope joins them in the hot tub, and they manage to wrap JJ in a towel and guide him back inside the Chateau. 

He collapses onto the pullout couch, eyes closed and skin still damp and gleaming from the hot tub, and he doesn’t move as Pope pulls her out onto the porch and apologizes over and over again, telling her needs to go home. 

He asks if she wants a ride back to her place, and Kiara doesn’t understand. Does he honestly think she would just leave JJ here alone like this? 

Pope offers to stay with her, but she convinces him to go, promising that they’ll be fine. He relents, but he gives her a strange look over his shoulder as he walks away from the Chateau that she doesn’t quite know what to make of. 

When she goes back inside, JJ is still lying on the couch where she left him, and if Kiara hadn’t been able to see the gentle rise and fall of his chest, she would have checked to see if he was breathing. 

She grabs a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie from John B’s dresser, as well as the first aid kit, and then she returns to the living room, the pullout dipping under their combined weight as she sits down beside him. 

Kiara props JJ up with a pillow, and he groans but manages to open his eyes, the usually bright blue orbs clouded with pain and exhaustion. She almost starts crying again at the sight— JJ’s the kind of person, she decides, that should always be smiling or laughing or teasing someone. This sad, broken version of him... she hates it. Not because it makes him look weak, but because she knows that if JJ is allowing her to see this side of him it means he’s really hit rock bottom. 

It makes her sick to look at his injuries, to realize that his father is the one who did this to him. How many of JJ’s bruises have been courtesy of Luke Maybank? How had she never _asked_ before? 

“You don’t deserve this, JJ,” she whispers as she tends to the bruises on his stomach and chest to the best of her ability, which is really just ice and antibacterial ointment, but it’s better than nothing. “You know that, right?” 

He doesn’t say anything, and she knows it’s because he disagrees with her. She might not have noticed what was happening to him, but Kiara hadn’t missed that self-deprecating sense of humor that always held a little too much truth behind it.

But she needs JJ to understand that this isn’t okay, that he deserves better.

So, she tells him. While she ices his wounds and listens to the unsteady rhythm of his breathing, likely caused by one or two broken ribs, Kiara makes sure that JJ knows he’s her best friend, reminds him of all the times he’d been there for her, that she’s never met another person like him. Because JJ is amazing, and she and John B and Pope love him so much, and she doesn’t understand why he can’t see that. 

Kiara’s not quite sure that JJ’s hearing everything she’s saying, since he is still kind of out of it, but he doesn’t protest when she takes his hand and lies down next to him on the couch. 

That’s how they fall asleep: his head on her shoulder, Kiara’s fingers in his hair, their arms and legs entangled in the sheets. 

They’ve slept together before, but this feels different for some reason. And maybe it should be weird, or awkward, but Kiara doesn’t want to let go of JJ just yet. She just got him back, and even though his injuries will heal, she knows he’s far from fine.

She’s not fine either, because one of her best friends has been suffering like this for years, and he never _told_ her. She tells herself they’ll have time to discuss it, later after they’ve both slept and aren’t so emotionally drained. 

JJ falls asleep almost immediately, his exhaustion and the painkillers she gave him finally winning out, but Kiara stays awake and listens to the sound of his breathing, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against her cheek. 

She can’t change the past, but she makes a promise to herself, and to JJ, that she’s not going to let him get hurt like this again. Not if she can help it. 

✾✾✾

Kiara takes back everything she’s ever said about JJ being the reckless one of the group, because he might have stolen 25K from a drug dealer and used it to buy a hot tub, but he’s never made her worry like this.

When John B arrived at the Chateau that morning, Kiara was relieved. She had started to think that the cops would find him dead in a ditch somewhere, but he was fine. 

At least that’s what she’d thought— until he had stormed into the house without saying a word to any of them and taken JJ’s gun from underneath the couch cushions, all with this creepy, blank look on his face. 

JJ’s there in an instant, and while he’s usually all for using violence to solve problems, Kiara hears the fear in his voice when he asks John B what he needs the gun for. 

But John B doesn’t listen, he just shoves JJ onto the pullout, and Kiara screams at him to _chill_ when she hears JJ’s low grunt of pain. John B had hit him right in his broken ribs. 

They followed him into the street, and Kiara’s heart stopped beating when John B looked over his shoulder and told them Ward Cameron killed his father. 

He’d left before they could talk to him, before Kiara could make him explain, which is why they were currently sitting on the HMS Pogue outside of Ward Cameron’s place, looking for any sign of their missing friend. 

Kiara’s never been this worried, and she’s still emotionally exhausted from the events of the previous evening, so when Pope starts getting pissy about his scholarship and saying they should go home, she looses her patience real quick. 

“Okay, so that’s it?” She asks, and she knows that she’s not making the situation any better, but John B is _missing_ and possibly plotting to murder Ward, and Pope is more worried about a goddamn interview. “In a time of need you’re just gonna bail? You’re just gonna walk away?” 

“Okay, yo, guys, can we not do this right now?” JJ mumbles from behind her, sounding significantly uncomfortable. She glances at him in disbelief, because when has he ever talked anyone down from a fight, but he just rips his hat from his head and doesn’t meet her gaze. 

It feels like a warning, as if he’s telling her not to push it, but Kiara doesn’t listen. 

“Why is it always about _John B_?” Pope asks, and Kiara’s temper flares, because it sounds like an accusation and she has absolutely no idea what she’s done to deserve it. Apparently, worrying about her friends is a crime now. 

“It’s not always about John B,” she snaps, distantly recognizing that she’s shouting now, but she’s too angry to care. “You’re so stupid, it would be any of you guys in this situation!”

Kiara looks at JJ, ready for him to back her up, but he stays quiet. Does that mean he agrees? Hadn’t she proved that she would be there for any of them last night? 

It’s enough to make her snap, because they’ve already lost John B, and she can’t handle it if both JJ and Pope are against her. She starts screaming at them, about friendship and Pogues, and then JJ is telling her to quiet down. 

They’ve had arguments before, but it was almost always about stupid things. Like where the best fishing spot was, or JJ not using the metal straw Kie bought him, or one of the boys unknowingly perpetuating the patriarchy. 

But this is serious, and it takes a turn when Pope gets in her face and practically growls at her to stop with the moral high ground bullshit. 

“Pope, come on,” JJ says from the bow of the boat, glaring at him, as if he knows where this is going and doesn’t like it one bit. 

But Kiara doesn’t understand, and she’s studying both of them, trying to figure out what she’s missing. 

“No,” Pope snaps, shaking his head at JJ before turning back to her, and she almost takes a step back at the manic expression on his face. “No, no, she has no room to talk!”

“Where were you when Big John went missing?” He asks, and then Kiara understands. She actually does take a step back this time, her throat suddenly tight with emotion. “You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B, you weren’t there for any of us. Remember your Kook Year?”

It feels as if Pope had slapped her. In fact, she thinks she would have preferred that to this.

“ _Dude_ ,” JJ hisses, his gaze hard as he looks at Pope, and she’s honestly surprised that he’s defending her. But maybe she shouldn’t be— JJ doesn’t hide his feelings, he never has. Pope had never yelled at her for abandoning them, had held it all inside of himself like he did with everything else, so maybe she should have seen this coming. 

“Yeah, you forgot about us,” Pope snarls, and Kiara hates it, but she knows that he’s right. “Now you feel guilty.”

It’s the truth, and that’s what hurts the most. He’s right about her, about everything, and she can’t even defend herself. 

But she can’t just let it go, because if she doesn’t do something about the knot of tension in her chest, she feels like she’s going to explode. 

“Give me a break!” She shouts, shoving Pope in the chest, and he stumbles back a step. “That’s what you need? You need a break? _Move_ —“

JJ is on his feet in an instant, telling them to cut it out, but now that she’s started she doesn’t know how to stop, and then Pope is shoving back. That’s fine. If he wants a fight, he can have one. 

But then JJ is there, pushing Pope away from her and putting himself between them. “If I’m the one mediating, we’ve hit rock bottom,” he says, his back to her as he addresses Pope. He looks like he wants to say something, probably another reason why Kiara is a terrible person, but JJ doesn’t give him the chance. 

“Bow, now,” he orders, and Pope doesn’t look too happy about it, but he doesn’t argue. 

Once the adrenaline from the fight begins to fade, the familiar feelings of guilt and anxiety replace it, and Kiara’s trembling as she lowers herself into the seat behind JJ and fights to hide the fact that she’s crying. 

It’s no use. There are tears coating her cheeks, and her breath keeps catching. Pope still won’t look at her, but it’s obvious that JJ notices. 

She can feel his attention on her for the entire ride back to the Chateau, but she chooses to ignore it, staying quiet as they drop Pope off and tie the boat at the end of the dock. 

But neither of them leave to go inside, and she can sense that JJ’s searching for the right thing to say. Kiara doesn’t really want to have this conversation, but she doesn’t move from her place at the stern, arms numb from being wrapped around her legs for so long, as if that will hold her together. 

Eventually, JJ moves to sit beside her, lighting a joint and handing it to her. She takes a long draw, because he’s offering, and she’s honestly just happy that he’s here, the only one who hasn’t abandoned her yet. 

She wouldn’t blame him if he did. Pope was right, she was a terrible friend, and not just to John B. If she’d paid more attention, if she hadn’t been so self-involved, then maybe she would have noticed what JJ’s dad was doing to him. 

Kiara took a deep breath, her voice breaking the silence as she said, “JJ, I’m sorry—“

“Don’t,” he snaps, though she can tell that the anger in his voice wasn’t directed at her. It never is, and she adds it to the list of reasons why JJ is a better man that his father will ever be. It’s not even a contest, but she knows that no matter how pissed he was, he would never physically take it out on her. She thinks it’s why he gets so protective when John B or Pope touch her, not because they would ever want to hurt her, but because it triggers some buried memory of his, likely of his mom and dad. “Pope was way out of line—“

“Was he?” She asks, her voice sounding bitter even to her own ears, looking at JJ with her eyebrows raised. “Everything he said was true. I abandoned you guys, I abandoned John B. I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t,” JJ says, and he sounds so convinced that she looks at him, taking in the determined expression on his face. “We’ve all made mistakes, Kie. And then we forgive each other, because that’s what family does. Pope just needs time to cool off, you’ll see. He’ll come around eventually.”

She can tell that trying to argue would be a waste of time, that JJ’s made up his mind, but... family. She likes that, that JJ considers her his family. And yet...

“Why are you still here, JJ?” She asks, because she can’t help herself. She needs to know. 

“What do you mean?” JJ asks, his hand freezing with the joint halfway to his lips, and he’s looking at her as if she just asked him why he loves surfing. 

“I never apologized,” she muttered, staring at her hands, her face suddenly flushed with something like shame. “About your dad, I mean. I never noticed—“

“That’s not on you, Kie,” he says, his head turned towards the water as he starts to flick his lighter again, obviously uncomfortable with the turn their conversation had taken. “It’s my problem, not yours.”

“ _You’re_ my problem, JJ,” she snaps, because she’s so sick of him acting like he doesn’t deserve the same support and care that he gives them. “I’m not letting you deal with this alone. You deserve better.”

“Kie, don’t,” he says, and it sounds like a warning, or maybe a plea. “I have it under control, okay? You don’t need to—“

“What if it was me?” She asked, and JJ froze, his gaze going dark at the suggestion. She knows that it’s an underhanded tactic, but she doesn’t care as long as it works. “What if I showed up after a beating from my dad, covered in bruises, and told you that it was fine and that I had it all under control? Would you just let it go? Forget about it?”

She takes JJ’s silence as his answer, not that she needed one. She knew that if the roles were reversed, he would have done the same, no, _more_ for her. So, she was going to return the hypothetical favor. 

“You might as well accept it now, Maybank,” she said, her fingers brushing against his as she took the joint from him, resting her head on his shoulder. “We’re family, right? You’re stuck with me.”

She doesn’t have to look at JJ to know that he’s smiling as he wraps an arm around her and pulls her into his side. 

“Okay, Kie,” he whispers into the top of her head, his fingers brushing the bare skin between her shorts and shirt, and Kiara hopes that her shiver can be chalked up to the breeze and not the feeling of his hands on her. “Whatever you want.”

✾✾✾

Of course, their plan to get the gold back from Ward fails, and Kiara can’t stay mad at Pope when he’s hugging her as the Cameron’s plane almost steamrolls John B. 

She doesn’t want to leave, wants to help John B and Sarah, but then they hear the sirens and JJ reminds them that he’s on probation, and that’s all Kiara needs to hear. 

“Look, we’re no good if we’re all in jail,” she says, taking the binoculars from JJ because he’s starting to wind the cord a little too tightly around his fingers. 

They’re hiding in the airplane hanger when the Cameron’s plane flys overhead, leaving for the Bahamas with the gold. 

It feels like the final nail in the coffin. She knows that this was their last chance, and they blew it. 

JJ swears and kicks a chair, which is expected, but she still reaches out and nudges him with a hand, a subtle _cut that out._

What she doesn’t expect is for Pope to go ballistic, screaming and swearing as he destroys everything in sight with a baseball bat. 

Even JJ flinches, and Kiara is almost afraid of Pope in that moment. Not because she thinks he’ll hurt her, but because he’s always been predictable, and this is the last thing she thought he would do.

She looks at JJ, but he just shrugs like, _what do you want me to do?_

When Pope stops hitting things, JJ offers him a hit from his juul, and she rolls her eyes. 

“ _JJ_ ,” she says, and she knows he recognizes the tone of her voice, the familiar combination of exasperation and annoyance. 

“Relax, Kie,” he murmurs, ignoring her when she scoffs and shakes her head. 

It bothers her that Pope is so defeated, that JJ is acting like this is normal. She doesn’t know what she wants from them right now, but it isn’t this. 

Pope tells them that he lost his scholarship, and Kiara goes quiet, whispering the words, “You did that for us?”

“No, not for us,” he says, rising to his feet. “For _nothing_.”

✾✾✾

Then John B reappears, and Kiara has bigger problems to deal with than Pope’s smoking habits. Like driving her car away from the police station while the cops are chasing them, and trying to plan John B and Sarah’s escape. 

She remembers the conversation they had about fantasy versus reality, back when the gold was just a pipe dream and before everything had gone to shit. 

She thought traumatic events were supposed to feel like they were happening to someone else, but ever since John B appeared in the airport hanger with Peterkin’s blood on his hands, everything seems far too real. 

Apparently, Kiara still has to play the role of Pogue-mom even in this situation, because JJ seems to think that Pope driving her car while he’s high as fuck is funny, which it isn’t. 

“JJ, it’s not funny, he shouldn’t be driving,” she snaps, and he stops laughing as she slams the car door behind her and kicks Pope out of the driver’s seat. 

She has a plan, and while she agrees with JJ that going to the home of the man who killed your best friend’s father and framed him for murdering the sheriff is a bad idea, they don’t have any other options. 

She just needs to find Sarah. If she can do that, it’ll be okay. John B will be fine, and this will all have been just a very long, very weird day. 

What she doesn’t count on is Pope telling her that he’s in love with her, and it’s honestly such a ridiculous time for all of this that she can’t even take him seriously. 

And she appreciates it, she does. It’s sweet and flattering and maybe in another universe, that would be enough for her, but it isn’t. It’s not enough, _he’s_ not enough, and if they weren’t being chased by the police and getting involved in murder investigations, she might have the time to break it to him gently, but they are and she doesn’t.

So, she tells him that it’s not going to happen, and when Pope asks why, she says the first thing that pops into her head. 

“Pogues can’t mack on other Pogues.”

Pope scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Okay, well, that rule doesn’t make any sense, and nobody’s ever followed it.”

Kiara remembers how John B had kissed her, the quick, awkward peck on the lips that had caught her off guard, just like Pope’s confession had. God, is she really that oblivious? 

She remembers another kiss, too. The one that happened months ago at the Boneyard, when she was high on dancing and alcohol and her inhibitions were lowered just enough to make a very bad decision. She remembers how it had felt to have JJ’s lips pressed against her own, his hands on her waist and her fingers in his hair, how warm and _right_ it had seemed. 

And she remembers how she pushed him away, because the guy she’d liked since middle school was kissing her, and she knew that he didn’t see her as anything but a friend. 

And maybe it makes her a terrible person, but when she looks Pope in the eye and tells him that she wants something different, all she can think of is tousled blonde curls and JJ’s smile and him braiding her hair and that night they spent wrapped in each other’s arms in the Chateau. 

Wanting JJ is stupid, and it will lead to her heart getting broken all over again, she knows it will. But stupid decisions are the theme of the night, so she tells herself that it’s okay to want him, as long as she never acts on it. 

✾✾✾

JJ is more perceptive than people give him credit for. 

Kiara knows that he’s picked up on the strange tension between her and Pope, even though he hasn’t asked about it yet. 

She knows that he wants to— sees the lingering look he gives her when they return to the car after failing to break Sarah out of her house, how his gaze keeps darting between her and Pope as if he’s trying to solve a complicated math problem. But she can’t talk about it, especially not with JJ. So, when he grabs her arm before they go inside the Wreck and asks if she’s okay, she brushes him off and says everything’s fine. 

It’s harder to keep the ruse going the next morning, though, when Pope won’t talk to her and she’s screaming at him as he revs the bike engine to block out the sound of her voice. 

JJ’s still watching her with that unreadable expression on his face as Pope drives away, and she knows that she has to tell him the truth. 

Well, not the whole truth. The truth about Pope’s confession, not that she can’t stop thinking about what it had been like to kiss him. 

“You sure he just wasn’t being weird Pope?” JJ asks as they’re grabbing supplies from the Wreck, prepping the Phantom for John B and Sarah’s getaway.

“It wasn’t really the kind of thing that needed interpretation,” Kiara explains, sighing as she passes him a loaf of bread over the counter. “Is that gonna be enough food for them?”

“I mean for a couple of weeks, and that’s all they need, so...”

“Look, I think I actually hurt his feelings,” she tells him as she returns the extra items to the stores, hoping her parents won’t notice their absence. 

God, since when is she coming to JJ for relationship advice? 

“Look, don’t beat yourself up too much,” he says as they exit the Wreck and she locks the door behind them. “He’s completely changed his feels. The past twenty-four hours have been like Jekyll and Hyde.”

It’s true, and Kiara is starting to realize that JJ is the most reliable of her friends. He’s been there for her this entire time, and she knows that she needs to thank him for it. 

She opens her mouth to do just that, but then her mother is there, demanding to know where Kiara has been, and while it’s a completely reasonable question, she doesn’t have the time to explain. 

She knows her mother is right when she says that what they’re doing is dangerous, but John B needs her, and it’s that thought alone that convinces her to slam the car door in her mother’s face and drive away. 

It hurts more than she thought it would, like someone has torn her heart from her chest, but they have bigger problems, and she’s not going to be the reason this plan falls apart. 

✾✾✾

“Home sweet home,” JJ says as Kiara parks her car in his driveway, and when she looks at him and sees the redness surrounding his eyes and the pain on his face, it’s only her loyalty to John B that keeps her from suggesting that they turn around. 

“Do you want me to come?” She asks, and she means it, even though she knows what his answer will be. “‘Cause I’ll come.”

“No,” JJ says, shaking his head as he tugs off his hat and runs his fingers through his hair. “This’ll only take a second.” 

As the car door slams behind him, Kiara pictures the bruises on his skin, how his body had trembled in her arms as she held him, the sound of his sobs that are burned into her brain. 

She wants nothing more than to keep him from going back into that house, but this is part of the plan, even though she kind of hates Pope for suggesting it. 

JJ looks at her before he opens the door, and he must see the worry on her face, because he actually gives _her_ an encouraging smile. 

It’s more of a grimace, but she smiles back at him anyway, because JJ is trying to reassure her even as he’s about to steal from his abusive father, so the least she can do is pretend that she’s okay. 

✾✾✾

Waiting for JJ to come out of his house feels like someone is holding Kiara’s heart in their hands, slowly tightening their grip as they wait to pull it from her chest. 

It’s awful, and he can’t have been gone for more than five minutes, but the urge to follow him inside grows stronger with every second. 

When he reappears, it should make her feel better, and even though there are no new bruises on his face, all she can see is JJ’s broken, defeated expression. He collapses into the passenger seat, gives her a bitter smile when she asks how it went, holding up the keys to the Phantom as evidence. 

And in that moment, all Kiara can think of is how much she hates Luke Maybank. 

✾✾✾

There’s a moment, when JJ is grinning at her while he runs his hands over the side of the Phantom, where Kiara thinks that they’re actually going to make it. 

But then Rafe appears, looking her up and down in a way that makes her skin crawl, a shit-eating grin on his face when he spots JJ. 

Barry has a gun pointed at JJ’s chest, and then his fist collides with the side of his head, and Kiara’s screaming his name as Rafe wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her into the air. 

Rafe is telling her that she’s not the one they want, asking where John B is over and over again, but all Kiara can see is Barry slamming JJ’s head into the concrete. 

Her vision goes red, and she doesn’t care about the consequences when she tells Rafe that she knows he murdered Peterkin, or when she slaps him across the face. 

Then his hands are around her throat, and Kiara’s struggling to breathe as JJ lies groaning on the ground. 

Somehow it’s Pope who saves her, slamming a crowbar into Rafe’s back and hitting him again and again again. 

Kiara looks at JJ, having no idea how to handle this new, vengeful Pope, but he seems just as lost as she is. 

Then she remembers John B, that there’s still a chance he and Sarah can escape, and she tells them that they have to go. 

It should feel more like a victory than it does— standing on the dock with JJ and Pope as John B boards the Phantom. Everything they’ve done was to get him here, but it’s not the happy ending she’d imagined for them. 

John B starts to apologize, and Kiara opens her mouth to tell him that it doesn’t matter, but JJ beats her to it. “We were bound to run off a cliff at some point, right?” He says, wrapping his arms around her and Pope, and Kiara doesn’t even try to hold back her tears as she rest her head on his shoulder. “At least we did it together, though. Pogue style.”

The whole thing leaves her emotionally drained, and it’s a relief when she can wrap her arms around Pope and pretend it’s all going to be okay.

Kissing him is a spur of the moment decision, a desperate attempt to comfort herself. Because Pope is right there, and she knows that it makes her a shitty person, but in the back of her mind she thinks that if he can have her like this, then she won’t lose him like she lost John B.

Because Pope’s easy, he’s dependable, and she doesn’t have to untangle four years worth of feelings if she wants to be with him. 

JJ doesn’t say anything about it, and she tells herself that it’s stupid for her to want him to. 

✾✾✾

Even when Shoupe tells them that there’s no way John B and Sarah survived the storm, and Kiara asks him herself if they’re dead, the idea doesn’t compute in her brain. 

It’s impossible, because she saw John B just a few hours ago, and he was so warm and _alive_ when she wrapped her arms around him. 

Her thoughts flick through a series of memories— Sarah and her saving baby sea turtles during their freshmen year, laughing with John B in the hammock at the Chateau, Sarah’s hand in hers as they ran through the Crain House, her pressing a kiss to John B’s cheek.

Kiara feels numb. 

JJ’s yelling at Shoupe, and Kiara is screaming at him to stop because if JJ gets arrested for attacking a police officer right now she thinks she’ll shatter completely. 

It’s a relief when her parents arrive, when she can collapse into their arms and be told that it’s all going to be okay, even though it isn’t.

She clings to Pope and JJ in the aftermath, wrapping them both in her arms and sobbing into Pope’s shoulder, trying to remember how the hell she had ever thought this was going to have a happy ending. 

✾✾✾

There’s no memorial service for John B, and Kiara doesn’t go to the one the Cameron’s have for Sarah. 

She had told her parents the truth, and while she doesn’t know if they believe her, they must see the look in her eyes and know that she won’t be able to sit in the same room as Ward and Rafe without losing it. 

It’s a relief when they finally let her see Pope and JJ, because they’re the only people who she doesn’t have to pretend with. 

They’re on the HMS at the Chateau, passing around a bottle of Big John’s whiskey, and Pope is passed out at the bow when Kiara asks JJ if there’s a chance that John B and Sarah are still alive. 

He tells her that there’s always a chance, and she moves closer and buries herself in his side. It’s more of a comfort than kissing Pope was, but she decides to give herself a break, to think about all of that later 

Because JJ and her are here, and they’re alive, and for now that’s all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m already planning to write this fic from kie’s perspective so leave kudos/comments if you want a part two!


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